I just want a sweet relationship.

SOQM paper

2010-02-24T09:56:00.000-08:00

dear blog...
i hate myself..

i really do... i really do... why...

i really hate myself..

emo

2009-07-02T12:41:00.001-07:00

my little secret, actually I am an emo kid every night.

troublesome.. sad also

2009-01-12T09:25:00.000-08:00

BSC (Business Services Centre) is a stopover in my Teaching Enterprise Project (TEP). So far it is still enjoyable, but daily 9am - 5.30pm. Have to reach on the dot.

Today I'm sent to Northview Secondary School to advise students and persuade them to choose NYP.

I live in Yishun, right in front of Northview -.-

so as a result, in the morning I had to go to school, about 1.15pm set off for Northview, then return to NYP at 3.45pm =/

then go back during evening again -.- tmd so mafan..

today I'm quite sad, because a group of people.. see me then decide not to walk my way.. I monster ar? =( There's no mistake in that situation.... zzz..

memories

2008-12-02T09:22:00.000-08:00

I have so much to pen, that instead of one long post, I'm now breaking it into 2 long posts :)

In fact so much to pen that I have delayed it for so many days already. Of course, the memories are vague compared to how fresh they were a few days ago. Even now I feel like sleeping early for a change(its 1.23 am now, I usually sleep at 7am for months already..).

I have packed my things, and have even moved to Yishun already. the thing is, so many things, brings back memories of primary school, secondary school.. all to my mind. Thursday (27th November) was good. Enjoyed myself in school for some reasons, but ate something wrong, still ill till now, diahorrea and vomiting, spoilt my Friday outing with my classmates(brothers). They are brothers because they truly care for me and can always be relied on. Moved toYishun from Bishan on 29th November, ill, tired, but no choice. All that was on my mind at this time, was the dreading of a wordpress closing..

for now, I don't like the location nor my bed. thinking back, when I lived in a condo I was able to position myself so that the moon light will be clearly shone on my face. While I lived in Bishan, I was unable to do that because the ceiling is low, as well as many HDB blocks blocking the moon from shining through my window. Now, I probably cant even see the sky. My bed has changed, now super single... I slept on a Kings' for 19 years..

1st December, I went back to school for lunch, then to Thomson Plaza to check for prices of sunflowers.. then I went back to the condo and snapped many pictures.. The place brought lots of memories seeing as I lived there throughout my Primary school life.. in addition all the things I packed (photos of primary level), only brought to consciousness, my memories of primary school.

I walked the long way out to the backgate of the condo, which was common for me when I got promoted to Secondary difficulty of education. No matter how, I used to complain often that I had to travel such long distances whenever I leave house. At least the house in Bishan was right beside the bus stop. Now in Yishun, I have to travel to interchange//MRT station before moving on to my destination. So many schoolwork papers I had to clear up, at least 3 full big boxes of paper went to the recycle bin :)

Thats why I can safely say, alot of memories are now conscious to me. Right now last holiday in poly =( I've been going back to school very often.. but now i live in Yishun, so difficult to get to school..

Admiralty

2008-11-21T07:58:00.001-08:00

The soil in which I used to write with a narrow branch has gone, now covered with a thick mush of green blades.

Let bygones be bygones, they will never change.
Let past grudges be past, they are history.
Let all anger subside, it's been so long..
Let all promises made, be buried with the past.

I have fulfilled my promise by returning 3 years later. The promise of 3 years will no longer be a burden in my life.

I made a promise 3 years ago.. its all in my previous blog I believe, and though that blog still exists, it will still remain buried. It was only after I made that promise, that this blog came into existence. So I believe no one will remember that promise. :)

Looking forward to my life ahead.

Brothers

2008-11-20T08:17:00.000-08:00

no essay, but there's....

Being there in times of need,
Reason not required in any deed.
Over the times, things may seem strange,
True friendship is not affected by any change.
Hypocrisy in fellowship is absent,
Every true brotherhood will not be evanescent.
Raconteurs speak in abundance of brotherhood,
Soloers would never have understood.

can guess the title? :)

teachers~

2008-11-18T13:23:00.000-08:00

A teacher like you is what we need,
to guide us through in all that we'll meet.

Every lesson of yours seem so casual,
yet every effort from you makes us special.

we wrote all these with sincerity as our pen,
our class will work, as hard as we can :)

This was written by me on graduation ceremony during Secondary school period.
Was packing my stuffs since I'm moving house soon. I don't miss my Secondary school days, although I saw some heartwrenching letters. :p

HuiJia (Poly classmate for year 1) casually mentioned how nice it would be if we were able to do projects together again.. Then I saw the long report we did for Effective Writing Skills, I was reminded of that Sunday, we rushed through together to edit as much as we could.. That day Sabrina had music lessons, and the other 2 guys MIA. In the end, Monday i skipped lecture alone just to compile and edit all grammar errors. =/

However if given another choice, or.. well.. in the future.. Hope still got chance to do projects together :) For all you know, they might change the system and randomly pair students for final year project =x

Tomorrow I will post one essay I wrote at a young age! wahahaha

2008-11-16T06:36:00.000-08:00

No matter where you are,
my love for u will stretch that far.

Times have passed, things have changed,
I'm surprised you are still not deranged.

Looking back at times I had,
I believe times with you were most sad.

Now I have changed to who I want to be,
the weak side of me you'll no longer see.

i thought that I am still the same,
alas the only thing not changed is my name.

:) that wraps up my feelings about me 3 years ago and now =x

...

2007-10-20T13:30:00.000-07:00

what an adventure i had today. been so long since i blogged.. but the adventure shows me one result.

im dam useless.

the adventure i had has 4 other people..

one is a carefree beauty.
another is a troubled beauty. I really mean beauty when i say beauty.

another is a handsome guy.. really handsome too.. and another.. decent-looking Malay girl..

argh.. i'll post about the adventure in future. very tired now la.

upset

2007-07-15T13:29:00.000-07:00

been 8 months. these 8 months wasted de mah?.... feeling very troubled. can it survive?

...

2007-05-21T11:31:00.000-07:00

speech was horrible. some bitch got jealous or something. nothing to talk about then she talk about me and my gf. i close with my gf her fking problem? =.=

my game sux. thinking back some champion i was, now just a loser. i lost a pangya game. because i stopped 2 days then play again. then some freako come challenge me.. taunt me.. ashamed i lost though. not back to py since.

been playing runescape, been playing old game Shattered Galaxy.. been in contact with a close friend.. my closest friend besides Leroy and Shao Liang when i was sec 1. a friend who never escaped my memory. will things always be what they were? or would that friend change? i can see the kindness of that person still. the values are there. doh. that friend really understands me deep down though. just from an sms that friend can tell how im feeling.. i need such an impt friend.

Speech

2007-05-11T00:07:00.000-07:00

heh my speech was terrible today. but today my skills in pangya came back 70% le.

tomorrow's Friday. looking forward to my laptop. I played back Shattered Galaxy after Poly opened instead of when holiday started :P lol.

The Pangya hole im playing now is hole 5, so far all pangyas hit. already 1437 pangs. im sure i'll miss one. gonna toma soon :P

ah why am i blogging abt py? because i know no one gonna read ^^ multi-tasking with runescape right now. though busy with schoolwork and 2 more games, but not quitting RS yet.

lol really missed a toma 256y 1. was confident of its entry -.-

sigh

2007-05-09T09:49:00.000-07:00

You don't understand me -.-"

back to blogging. didnt tell anyone =) not even my gf, so if you are here to read this, it happened by chance.

once again i filtered my friends list tonight. i really mean filtering, and true friendlist. not friendster not msn.

i know who are truly my friends again. school's tomorrow. Speech test. Wearing formal =))

to Fionna.

2006-12-07T01:06:00.000-08:00

this message is for my dear.. Dear I love you. worry not about anything ;)

O lvls

2006-11-09T11:11:00.000-08:00

O lvls are here. the battle i had been so eager to fight since a year ago.

but im not putting in the effort. all the previous papers except physics have been alright.. today's Geography. had more than 5 hours to study. im left with like.. 2 hrs+?

been spending everyday with Fion. ever since 30th October. 28th October is the only day we have not been together since we got together.. i love her and im sure i wont leave her ;)

as for people who care for me : i can sense it and i truly appreciate it.

thanks for everything..

for my gaming life.. im not quitting py.. but im gonna be the best.. after Os i wish to play my favourite game, Shattered Galaxy.

..

2006-10-30T20:02:00.000-08:00

Steaded officially on 27th October 2006 with Fionna.
watched DeathNote and Rob-B-Hood that day.

29th October 2006. Out with Fionna. enjoyed thoroughly.

30th October 2006. Chinese O lvls. went for lunch with her after that. watched DoA. gt alot closer with her after thats.

30th October 2006. 6.13pm. I sensed a difference.

30th October 2006. 8pm. I am at a great loss. I know she loves me alot. I know she won't leave me. I cannot comfirm I 100% won't leave her.. I most likely wouldn't.. but why.. she and I so old le.. why her parents still must object..

...!!

2006-10-26T15:39:00.000-07:00

IF TOMORROW IS FRIDAY.. AND I GO FOR A MOVIE. WILL I NEVER SEE YUXUAN AGAIN? ARGH!!

hmm..

2006-10-26T15:32:00.000-07:00

I don't like that.. don't like not having freedom in blogging whatever I want..

it will have a change though.. tomorrow onwards.. yeah.. it will change..

gonna watch Rob-B-Hood and DeathNote tomorrow.. gonna be cool =D=D

PY Amateur E

2006-10-17T23:30:00.000-07:00

finally Amateur E in pangya.. its a very high rank there..

also dunno i want amat for what.. seems to me however, that i have quite a number of fans also.

miss her << every post must put.. LOL

will start studying.. real one.. must.. Os are so near.. thats all.. bb nite..

OH.. TODAY IS 17th OCTOBER! IM A FREE MAN. story will NEVER be posted.

Graduation Ceremony

2006-10-14T15:37:00.000-07:00

i wanna buy her a gift.. will i ever get to see her.. perhaps.. again?

had always believed that school sux.. and school is a waste of time.. kept looking forward till I could choose what i want to do in the morning.

I am quite certain, that many blogs will be littered with the memories of secondary school life. i am no exception.

I didnt turn up for English lesson.. it was not on purpose.. I would have loved to wake up at 6.. and then go down to the bus stop. and to see her for 1 last time.

aiya i also dunno what i want..

my mood now abit.. messy.. cant write an essay-like post for this blog.

its just abit touching. i finally accepted my class.. finally accepted me for what i am now, and no longer dawning on the used-to-be-mervyn. sort of made peace with teachers whom i had grudges against. except diana goh. i will work harder.. after that i could officially call teachers by their name.. and not hear any words of forbiding. and i falsed out smiles.

"One looks back with appreciation to the brilliance of teachers, but with gratitude to those who touched on human feelings".

new maid arrived.. i dun think i really want a maid now leh.. -.-

im beginning to love JiaNing, and less for YuXuan..

2006-10-07T03:09:00.000-07:00

Love her~ her is the one who might be reading this..

the pangya girl will never read my blog.

school sux.. i didnt want to go actually, english and SS.. slept throughout English, chatted throughout SS.. LOL

but after that had a bath.. and decided to go to Jurong Point.. man what a long journey.. 1 hr ++.. almost 1 and a half hrs.. took 52 down.. though it was a direct bus to JP.. was very wrong..

from now on i'll take 852 to WestMall.. and then MRT to JP.. JP rox.. i love that place.. i felt so free.. so happy.. no one knows me.. can look at where i want... can slack.. can lean against the railings.. and no one to judge me or whatsoever.. that feeling really is the best..

on my way there on 52.. saw many places.. including the place i frequent during sec 1.. bukit timah plaza.. will post my secondary sch life after my O lvls.. i also saw NanHua Sec.. not bad.. lol.. at least i know what kind of sch Karen, Clement and YanLing are in..

sms-ed Ning~ so cute~ <3 her ~ =x
now this hr.. starting to miss smsing her le.. phone didnt have batt from 8pm -1 am

searched Bishan Park for Leroy and the rest.. dam stupid.. i decided to go home after almost 1 hr of search.. and guess what? i called him.. they arent at the park yet zz

its fun la.. when i used to live in a condo.. i never was exposed to this kind of life.. each festival becomes of a greater celebration for me.. in the past.. any festival except CNY, Xmas, National Day, they are just a saturday or sunday for me..

From a height, with a loud thud.. i fell onto the floor.. my head.. zz still pain.. and my butt T_T

on the way back.. some of us very chek ark.. but theres another group of people.. who made a big fire for the sake of fun.. and even went to the extent of burning plastics.. wtf? so we arent that bad.. we took our leftover sparklers.. boxes.. and almost anything.. (but we removed all polyethene), and we threw into the fire as we walked past.. those guys were actually trying to extinguish the flame.. but as we threw.. it became bigger.. what i threw made it nicer.. the flame turned from an evil green to a cackling red.. and then back to its orange.. LOL

i wanted to call police nia.. but phone no batt.. those guys heng.. dam kids.. create haze.. tmr PSI really 200 de hua.. dam sian liao..

tired sia =/ still must wash my own clothes.. then i can sleep.. sian..

Love YuXuan~ sian no maid le zz

2006-10-04T19:35:00.000-07:00

love her love her xD

she rox.. sch rox.. maths rox..

my maths improved.. i dunno why.. after prelim.. its just like.. when i see a question.. it hits me on the head and i just know how to solve.. just like me when i was in p6..

she rox.. i love her xD

sian now no maid.. she left this morning 10am when i was in school.. well my comfort decreased alot.. its true.. no one to shout at.. no one to scold.. when i playing pangya.. and hear plastic bags making noises.. i turn back and i dun see her there.. come back home no one also.. =/ hungry le no one to go buy food... and i gotta wash my own clothes.. quite a hassle.. =/

now going out with Roy.. eat dinner =/ bo bian.. tired leh..

selected to write a speech for graduation ceremony to teacher.. and its my fav teacher, Miss Esther How.. i'll definitely outshine other people one.. may all glory be on Miss How!

hmm kinda late le.. just wanted to blog this to show that im more independent.. my hands will soon become rough and ugly though =( ah well.. im a man.. why shld i even bother? xD

sad..

2006-10-01T03:46:00.000-07:00

i miss her.. saw her photo today.. so beautiful.. i miss her more only..

yesterday(29th Sept) was my father's birthday.. went for a celebration.. i feel isolated from my family.. they didnt even notice my disappearance from the table when they sang bday song..

today celebrated my elder brother's birthday.. -.-

i've been really down these 2 days.. maybe tomorrow as well.. i don't want to graduate!!!

for sure.. i have to move house again.. i dun want to stay too far away from her..........

maid will be gone this week.. and i gotta learn how to wash my clothes.. zz.. exams coming soon.. i must do them well.. i must. but why am i still playing..? i dunno.. i miss her.. how can i numb that.. zz

so upset that i went for a jog last night.. end up missing lessons this morning.. or shld i say, Saturday's morning.. >.<.. going to Leroy's at this hour.. ah well.. the end.

the girl is actually, YuXuan..

2006-09-28T15:26:00.000-07:00

I think.. I've fallen for her.. >.< i knew it already..

i miss her.. i regret not having optimal use of my time with her.. so much time.. and damn dumb me..

i wanna play pangya with her again..

i wanna tell her how i feel towards her..

i wanna cherish her and abandon all thoughts of fear this time..

so little time left.. i may never get to meet her again..

and yet she matters so much to me..

zz

2006-09-24T18:00:00.000-07:00

had a very memorable day on friday.. love that day.. =D won't be able to forget that day easily.. xD

i miss both of them.. will write a poem for them.. for being such great friends..

3 of my py friends read my blog.. argh.. i feel as though im really self-conceited.. wth.. cause i said my py quite pro le =.=

haiz.. dunno what to say also.. my parapara sux.. friday went to play.. every game ended with a fail..

long story..

2006-09-22T14:48:00.000-07:00

where to begin blogging? theres so much to say.. so little that im willing to type.. so little that i can remember.. so little to show..

how high is the possibility that this post will not be seen by anyone? =/ unless i camouflage with another post soon..

One note to begin, (jw i agree with u).. no one knows whether we will live to our next birthday.. let's cherish life from now on.. and the one we love.. do not let go of anyone important to us.. whoever u are in love with.. confess to that person.. ask for a chance from that person to let u try to win his/her heart.. do not regret ur actions in future.. whether regretting not looking that person up, or winning that person over..

last friday.. i was so disappointed.. ah well.. as the saying goes.. "disappointed pangs of love"..
i had my own kind of pick-me-up.. well what happened was.. i stayed in school.. waiting for her.. the whole week.. i had been planning on how to ask her out.. i didnt ask her eventually.. she hates me =( but my disappointment.. i cannot kid myself.. i believe im gonna change my blog song very soon.. perhaps after this post? xD

i went shopping.. i went dobby ghaut to play pangya and para para... i need the same kind of pick-me-up today.. will be going amk for para soon.. last fri.. i thought of Wen.. a song in para para was played.. and i just had to think of Wen.. my mood was brought down further..

im LordLoveless.. i wont fall in love that easily anymore. i got a metal heart. but why do i have a soft spot for everyone, guys and girls.. who has been in my life before i became so hard-hearted!?

i made 2 more new friends.. they are darn nice people.. i dun even know whether i really treat them as friends leh.. i dun think i deserve to have anymore friends.. and the fact that i have to question myself repeatedly whether they are my friends.. this alone is proof of a weak friendship.

went to take neoprint with them yesterday.. those photos are the best gifts i have received from friends for a long time -- memories..

Helen is right.. im too sentimental..

my maid is leaving =o october 1st.. she's been working in my place since i was 2 years old.. thats like.. 16 yrs.. i wonder if i will be sad.. she's a pathetic maid.. she no longer cooks because 15 yrs of her cooking is bad enough.. and she almost never does anything right..

i never wanted to love "her".. i didnt even want her to know.. why did people have to tell her.. argh.. guys cannot cry.. i wont cry.. i'll let it all out in the arcade.. ARGH! prelims are screwed.

Boys Brigade Reunion Dinner =o

2006-09-05T13:04:00.000-07:00

its 5th of Sept, time to really start placing emphasis on my education.. which is what i plan to do from now on...

i believe as i start studying..gradually it will be all that i do.. i haven really been studying hard.. in actual fact.. just appearing offline on msn and playing games most of the time..

oh well... have always wanted to blog.. but theres simply so much.. like.. going out for coffee with Jing Wei.. chatting about things ranging from books to games and then to girls.. =x

One clear memory includes the Boy's Brigade Reunion Company Dinner 59th Anniversary..
I wore formal -.-" with a tie, and made a fool out of myself. Well, nevertheless, it was very fun.. and no.. i wont say i wont forget that night.. but well.. its just that.. i have more important things on my mind.. and i hated -her- after the dinner.. as i realised she doesnt mind giving her number nor making friends with anyone else except me..

im quite pro in Pangya.. above average. but well its time to stop.. studies first.. too much PY can get boring.. < hopefully it applies to me right now.

Teachers' Day.. school sucked.. raining, cross-country cancelled. Didnt get to see many friends.. she didnt talk to me... but.. i had the last glance of her for 10 days.. 10 days without seeing me.. she must be happy..

later in the evening, saw Sandy with KaiLing and Cheryl at J8.. not very pleased with the kind of act Sandy gave me... oh well.. i'll not bother.. i'll just do my Os well.. =)

ok.. time to log out.. one can probably find me at junction 8 interchange Macs studying, i supposed..

..

2006-08-21T00:11:00.000-07:00

it has been a week since i accounted for any events in my life..

sigh.. its been 1 whole week.. and even 2 days longer than that, since my last blog post.. as well as the day i tried to tell her the identity of LordLoveless..

tmr still got sch =/ but i dun wanna sleep..

last week ar.. it was really great that day, went to watch fireworks on friday night, but unfortunately, i was held back at home.. resulting into causing Alex, Leroy and MinTing to miss the first night of fireworks.. *actually it was second last* =o

thankfully, there was another night to watch.. or i'll really be dam guilty..

spent the rest of the night with my 2E1 classmates, Eoin, Glen and KengSeng.. and Sebastian who was not a 2E1-nian =x that day he almost died -.- i saved his life xD

they were a joke man.. i really enjoyed myself that day.. but end up.. we saw the last 162, and let it go.. thinking that another one will come.. we all ended up.. 5 of us.. taking 2 cabs back.. so ex =/

basically.. this week.. i have been playing Pangya almost everyday.. Im getting alot better.. i have mastered Hole in Ones.. but wheres the satisfaction? my pangya life will never have her le.. really no point in playing py le.. but i just cant stop.. i wanna be higher rank.. i wanna be pro.. i wanna play with her still leh T_T

this week.. alot of her in my mind.. i even thought that i got over her at times.. but at times i still think that I still love her~ it just dun really seem possible at all.. on Tues, i asked her if she hated me more.. she said yes.. T_T imagine how i felt?

WOOT.. right now im talking to one of her friends on MSN.. that friend say.. YX not afraid of me le xD

and lol.. Maple.. people macham giving me free cash.. keep buying my mesos.. those people are stupid la actually.. give me free money one..

i dunno what to blog also.. i like the feeling of studying.. tmr after sch i might go to AMK macs and study on my own..

i wanna succeed in my Os more than anyone.. reason being my PSLE aggregate is not meant for bishan park secondary school.. i can never be contented no matter what results i get..

but the deepest truth is.. im not afraid to say or i will be blogging abt it.. i dun think anyone in BPS have the rights to despise me.. i dun want to let those sec 3s taking pure sciences and double maths.. to look down on me... because they dont deserve that honour.. though true, i dont have the chance to win them in those subjects.. but they will never get to replace the subjects im taking.. thus i have such a goal in my heart.. this bubble will never break..

just watched finish a show.. yuan lai separation from the person u love.. is really that painful.. i dunno how.. but the time im left with.. i will try my best to do the most i can for her.. =x im so shameless..

after O lvls.. i dun think i will be playing maplestory, or even pangya.. i'll most likely be playing runescape, or shattered galaxy.. i will go back to the times when i was younger.. the games i played 3-4 years ago..

with a final note.. i hope i can really stop come online~

special case

2006-08-11T18:01:00.000-07:00

its so special.. really so special..

come to think of it.. this should be the 6th-7th month since i've fallen for her..

through it.. there was Wenn.. but throughout that period.. i never forget her one bit.. i loved her as much.. sardine? tuna? i was lying.. lied for long enough le..

why so special? i've cheated someone i love, who doesnt love me at all.. opposite sia..

why did i first fall for her? she was the friend of a crush i had, 2 years ago.. i didnt really notice her.. she's so guai.. so innocent.. so naive.. just today, Yi Wei said she looked so toot.. maybe she isnt a great beauty.. but no doubt, she's everything i want..

boy.. she's definitely the girl whom i put the most feelings into.. i gradually fell for her, telling myself, she will never be able to hurt me.. tried getting closer to her in a virtual world.. and then fell alot deeper into this maze.. probably.. also the greatest habit that i have, over a girl..

i cannot don't look at her all the time.. cannot.. other girls i could.. its just a habit.. every morning i look at the clock.. i rush.. just in hope to see her at the bus stop.. if not.. i will try to reach school asap, and be in the hall.. taking glances at her.. pervertic? kinda bah..

and hey.. she's the girl in my whole life, who likes me least.. and.. she's the one im most fond of..

just deleted her on pangya, forced to.. i believe im more hurt than her.. we were great pangya friends.. is i hurt myself de.. not she hurt me.. no matter how she bad-mouthed 'mervyn' to me.. i wasnt miserable to the max.. i advised her.. to look mervyn up.. and give him a straight rejection.. stupid of me? nah.. at least i get to tell her what i want..

i gave her a note earlier, telling her I am LordLoveless.. i wrote
"I am the Duke of No Emotions. (LLL) TC"

she still didnt get it.. when she asked me the meaning of LordLoveless.. i deciphered that Lord means King ; Duke ; Ruler.. and Loveless simply means, no love..

in chinese, emotions = feelings = qing.. Loveless = Jue Qing..

and just now.. she asked why i so jue qing must delete her, i explained, LordLoveless means Jue Qing Lang Jun.. why Lang Jun? because im just a normal guy.. im not a real Lord..

maybe someday.. im sure someday actually.. i will give her the url of my blog.. i hope by then.. she wont feel that.. this whole post is a mock at her..

O lvls chinese, I got B3.. i consider it a great failure.. many classmates of mine can tell me its not bad.. im really dejected.. i dun dare tell my dad..

that time.. didnt really study.. was playing with Wenn.. sad.. but mainly is my oral.. merit.. i guess it pulled me from A2 to B3.. i might consider retaking..

my exams.. is the reason, why i wont be coming online.. i doubt i will be online tomorrow.. i dun think i wanna come online le.. whether or not my father or mother kb me.. its time for me to open my books.. why i wanted gd results? i want to be friends with yu xuan.. T_T

my friends told me.. its stupid to motivate ur results over a girl.. but motivation does not need a fixed thought.. back then i wanted to win SiHwee.. what a joke.. with B3 chinese?

like pangya, in studies, ur greatest enemy is urself.. i have gd attitude in pangya.. i tell people that.. if you lose, you only lost to yourself.. i guess it fits with my education..

- Studies, is a game to me.. -

national day

2006-08-09T22:24:00.000-07:00

today is Singapore's birthday, National Day.. but i dunno which year =o

Yesterday ar.. wasnt that good.. was tired when i woke up at 7.45.. sch started at 8 =.=

rushed la of course.. i must say.. the concert was disappointing..

then went for lunch with Eugene and some other friends..

diao.. i got nth to speak to them one.. macham i eating alone nia..

went home, yu xuan wasnt playing PY..

dunno la.. whatever it is.. i felt quite down ytd.. went for a jog around evening time..
then had dinner with Roy.. went to his house.. after departing at around 2am.. i didnt want to go home..

bought some drinks.. 3 cans in all.. set by the field near her house.. gazing into the dark sky..

i dunno what to do.. maybe i ought to confess.. im a cheater =.=

sigh

2006-08-04T17:32:00.000-07:00

i once thought that she will never be able to hurt me..

i also thought that.. the most hurting thing is that i am immune to being hurt..

no matter how much i missed her.. it still wont hurt me...

in the past.. friday i yearn to see her badly.. but sat and sun i wont think of her.. i pray i wont think of her tmr..

after 2 weeks of happiness.. im finally hurt by her xD

28.7, Yu Xuan's birthday..

2006-07-29T03:11:00.000-07:00

song : Cai Hong Tian Tang kept repeating in my mind.. these 5 days passed so fast.. i love this 5 days.. i love her smile.. i love her voice.. i love her!!

woke up at 5.40 today.. went down early.. saw her.. wished her happy birthday, got a nonchalant response.. =x

didnt get to buy present for her.. but i think i did.. =)

pangya improving alot.. maple quitting soon.. bought 4 PPC today again. but for pangya LOL.

3am le.. going bathe.. then going slp.. went for Para Para earlier.. i suk at it now.. 3 weeks only..

before that, had dinner with my Ai Tong classmate.. Ashley Sng.. although it pales being with YX, but i think its a consolation.. ok thats all =) going bathe soon..

Listening now to : Cai Hong Tian Tang..

not happy again? miss YuXuan!

2006-07-27T22:33:00.000-07:00

today's Celine's birthday, my classmate.. didnt give her anything -.-

i guess its alright, since we arent close.. =x

how's my number one fan, piigx? fretting over the removal of tagboard in my blog? =x

tomorrow's a really important day. sleeping soon for the sake of tomorrow...

it's -her- birthday..........

things for me, have been going up and down.. but im quitting maple.. either selling it.. or selling the eq inside.. i love Pangya.. but i must quit pangya soon T_T..

guilty liao la..

2006-07-24T21:30:00.000-07:00

thursday was cool. as i told some of my friends, it was the most different party i ever been to..

there was a whole mob of guests.. and the food was gone within 2 mins -.-" its that fast.. when i arrived, food just just being taken.. i went to mingle with some people.. and no more food.. then one of the birthday boy[it was a party of twins], brought a few of us out.. and we went hawker center order zi cha.. swee.. only the few of us.. can crap around.. got air.. sheok lor.. all share money treat birthday boy.

then got ppl join us shortly.. though they sat beside us.. never eat.. but abit.. like neglect them.. but bo chup la =x

the birthday boy [the one with us] went to buy some drinks.. i drank a whole bottle.. i didnt think i could hold my liquor that well.. ok la.. its relatively ok =x.. me first time drink whole bottle until so song..

went back, and saw theres a 40% alcohol "Absolut Vodka" .. siao -.- a friend of mine drank alot.. his whole face red.. and he was driving leh!! *bike nia* =p

Friday.. nothing much.. training at sotong.. lvl 122 le..

Saturday.. Zakum.. not nice.. sian.. i died at 1st body.. it was sheok.. not bad.. guild reopened le.. FaLLeN.. xD

Sunday.. pathetic.. waste my time one.. Zakum camping.. couldnt get in.. did some homework.. played some pangya..

Monday.. this morning rox.. asked her a qn.. got a reply which is not what i expected.. i was happy to hear that lor =x but i cant rmb whether i showed an expression.

then after school.. on my way home.. i saw her again.. actually i was waiting for her..

then.. at the end.. after reaching home.. i got really happy.. but i got really guilty..

[will be editting this.. on phone now nia..]

lol

2006-07-17T23:25:00.000-07:00

this morning woke up at 5.. prepared to buy breakfast.. and it costed me $16 =.= just for a simple breakfast lol..

aiyo.. today hor =x=x erm.. =x i suddenly like PangYa alot.. just because of something Cindy said, make me like PangYa.. when im playing PangYa.. i feel like im with YX~

and today, im sure i did very well for my O lvls chinese Listening Compre.. i think i got full marks..

tired now, shall end here today, Mervyn..

cant help thinking.

2006-07-16T12:51:00.000-07:00

msn.com today shows of a man complaining that his wife chose a cat over him.

imo, the mistake in this, is by the man.

i figure that when being steady, when the girl wans to adopt a cat, the guy will support her.. after marriage, guys really change, they take things for granted, and they blame the girl for changing.

wtf? no wonder people always say, guys sure change after marriage because they had a hard time during courtship.

i thought of another saying which i used to say "if others can read your mind easily, you are a weakling."

sad again.. over what sia?

2006-07-15T10:16:00.000-07:00

was really feeling down last night.. walked from pcbunk to cine and back to bunk.

i dunno why i was feeling down as well..

was it because i died twice on maple?

was it because i realised Os are so near and not that prepared yet?

was it because speech contest was cancelled?

was it because i missed -her-?

was it because i was hungry?

was it because i was tired?

was it because.. she didnt reply my sms..? =/

rushed to bunk ytd. lol. took cab from sch to home, bathed, from home to bunk. total $13 liddat fly~ and go there no comp.. so what if got 20% exp? i died twice -.-"

today gonna level up at home..

and wow sis really is rich -.-" younger sister.. we both got the same allowance.. and yet her pencil case alone $100+ le.. shld have bah.. and she even offered to buy clothes for me.. diao.. i better start saving $.. i believe in this 2 months i've bought at least 30 macdonalds sundaes. gotta cut down on ppc too.. will be making chocolates for -her- birthday XD

last but not least.. happy birthday Sandy on 14th July.

hmm

2006-07-13T23:58:00.000-07:00

haha. finally there's only 1 person on my mind. it wasnt a happy thing that caused the change, but im really glad that now i only like her =)

she will never and won't hurt me.

i didnt choose the wrong person to fall for.

and hey. my younger sister bought me a new bag =x $40 + de.. not bad erh? younger sis leh =x

Sandy's birthday soon.. will wish her via sms in 2 mins =)

miss.

2006-07-11T17:36:00.000-07:00

i dreamt of Wen on Sun in the am. dreamt of Wen in Monday's am.. in fact yesterday's O lvls oral.. before that i still kept thinking of Wen.. zz what is she taking me for. T_T

i know I love YuXuan alot.. loved her as much as I did.. but i still liked Wen more.

Saturday i really thought of many girls, thought of Xiao Ning.. if got time i sure jio her out again..

i cant decide.. i dunno what i wanna do.. my blog.. i wont be updating soon.. wont be online.. will be studying..

i will forget forget forget forget her.. i must get her out of my mind.. zzz

speech contest coming soon.. i will post that speech after my speech contest.. and i wont be online after that.. 31st July -.-"

to anonymous : stop being irritating or i sure ban ur IP.

missing them?

2006-07-09T04:53:00.000-07:00

yesterday i went to pcbunk to meet boss.. danced para too.. i improve loads.. got my confidence back.

i didnt get to confess to YuXuan~ i walked from my sch to catholic high.. she was there putting up an exhibition.. she's so capable =) i wanted to see her.. but was unable to.

at night i walked from Dhoby Ghaut to Far East.. i thought of YuMin.. thought of Georgina.. i admit.. i missed Wen too.. then I miss Si Hwee.. and Cyndy.. because I went to Roy's place to watch initial D.. of course I thought of Yu Xuan.. to the anonymous tagger : u can say all u like.. i can trace ur IP and check who u are.. but waste my time nia.

learnt something new to add into my speech for speech contest : A man has to find a world of its own. Being without a world of his own, life is meaningless.

was supposed to be MC for the Youth Concert.. Sat morning 8.30 am was the rehearsal. i didnt turn up thanks to my maid waking me up late.. my comp was affected by virus. i stayed up till 6am + tryin to get rid of it.. its not gone yet.. but soon bah.. a friend i knew today introducing me a prog.

i did have a slight chance of seeing Yu Xuan today.. >.< but i didnt.. i gave it up because i had news that Wen was going to PC BUNK at dhoby ghaut today. i immediately told myself that im gonna find my spects.. and i did.. i lost it for 37 days.

i made many new friends, and i realised i was actually so well-known for the megaphones Wen shouted against me lol. just now heard alot of stories about girls.. sigh.. most girls these days -.-"
i also watched the initial D the day before.. i really detest girls who pretend alot.. whatever their reasons, they still cheated.. i fast-forwarded all the girl scenes while watching.

cab fare back was $9.15 .. im broke again. hunting a 100m+ item in maple now.. hope i get it.

Guo Huo -- Zhang Xin Zhe

Ze me ren xin guai ni, fan le cuo,(how can i bear to blame u for the mistakes u commited)
shi wo gei ni zi you, guo le huo. (it was me who gave u too much freedom)
rang ni gen ji mo, cai hui xian ru gan qing xuan huo. (made u lonelier, causing u to fall in love's trap)
Ze me ren xin rang ni shou ze mo, (how can i bear to cause you hell?)
shi wo gei ni zi you, guo le huo. (it was me with my overdone giving-in)
ru guo ni xiang fei, shang tong wo bei. (if you wanna fly free, i'll bear all the pain.)

accidentally saw a pic of wen being hugged by her current. did i really get over her? i changed the page asap. anyway forget it. I love YuXuan.. and im sure after the stories i heard today.. i love YuXuan more.. i cherish her more.. i wont regret loving her this way, because she really is worth my love.. im not giving myself false hope..

=)

2006-07-06T22:12:00.000-07:00

Mervyn happy le..

im no longer flirticious..

maple now im dam broke.. left 41k.. LOL..

gonna risk scrolling things with limited items and scrolls.

I love Yu Xuan.. i dare to type here her name le =)

i will confess to Yu Xuan tomorrow.. wish me lotsa luck.. i nvr think of -her-.. because i love Yu Xuan.. the feeling is so good.

zz

2006-07-05T23:22:00.000-07:00

Mervyn why are you doing this to yourself? she probably forgot you liao.

lol.. now i think.. its really true.. yesterday i watched the show Anna and Shaolin one.. cooking for a loved one is bliss.. actually i lied.. i didnt learn to cook because of Wen.. i have been a cooking talent since birth.

get a grip~ Mervyn..

anyway now.. i think im over it.. Chris talked to me and said i was over-reacting..

haix.. now i wanna watch Zhen Xin Hua.. its easier to blame her.. thats why i blamed her in the first place.. but forget it.. i bet she forgot me liao.. Zhen Xin Hua.. if i can convince myself she's that bad.. whats the use? the female lead also went back to the male lead.. am i even the male lead?

i know I love uenx nh[look upside down] still.. i did all along.. even when i was with huuam[look upside down].. i mentioned it on 15th May if im not wrong.

Love comes, love goes, are we still friends or foes? i think.. we are nobody to each other.

..

2006-07-04T23:52:00.000-07:00

today the day was relatively fine.. but im confused over something.. do i still love her? or do i like someone else? or do i like uenx nh? i really dunno.. sha sha de shui.. by Ang Jun Yang was great.. sha sha = one of the -her- i just mentioned.

=/ kinda obvious.. but she and i impossible.. that sha sha.. i just want someone to give my attention to.

watched condor heroes today.. Guo'er and Long'er married.. the vows they made =/ made me think of her. when i woke up this morning.. i was thinking about her all the way =(

scrolled my dark battle road in game.. itchy finger.. not bad.. good road.. my expenditure was 70m.. my road is worth 85m or even more.. maybe even 90m..

best thing is i scrolled my devils sunrise.. this time with a 97 att base.. +7 again =x 111 att 7 str.

sheok.. i can rebuild le.. im thinking now whether to buy dark emperor and scroll on my own.. or scroll a 11 att wg with the gloves i got. i think i'll do both. =x

decided not to discrimate Wen.

2006-07-03T21:37:00.000-07:00

I have decided not to discriminate Wen. no point.. initially I wanted to expose her lies, for 2 reasons.. one is.. she thinks im dumb.. she does not believe in my psychological studies. im sure that she has been lying about many things.. i just needed evidence.. but i decided not to get those evidence.

the next reason was, i wanted her guy to leave her after i have succeeded in showing people that she's a liar. i wanted to go back to her.. thinking abt this now.. what is the point? i think as long as she really is happy.. i shldnt destroy her happiness..

i miss her.. terribly.. i dunno why today i miss her so much. i value brotherhood now, and i treasure WenSong. because he really is the last of what i got from that 44-day misery.

tmr gonna study.. got alot of maple things on my mind.. i have been wasting tons of mesos.. =/

haha

2006-07-02T13:22:00.000-07:00

Actually today, i thought it over. The biggest fault in my life, is that i have a belief. I believe that, whatever i do now, i will be able to make up for it in the future. This is also a common belief among my peers.

Scenario 1 : I sleep in class, believing that I will study hard when its nearing examinations. I end up playing as well, claiming that I'm used to it.

Scenario 2 : I spend all my allowance today, thinking that in future I can save, when my mother asks where my money has gone to. I do have a hefty bit of allowance daily. Do not ask me how much, even if you know, hush hush =x

Scenario 3 : in love, I always believe I have something more important to attend to. for Eg. I believed, and OF COURSE ITS DARN TRUE, that my O lvls are more impt than Wen. i believe if she was willing to wait till end of my 'O's, my whole life will be dedicated to her.

I was still convincing myself, earlier in the day, that it is totally my fault for what happened between she and i.

Ok anyway, I have aspired to be someone successful, to show her she was wrong in dumping me. =x come to think of it, it will be really childish to place my success just because i wanna show her that. I believe i still will be someone successful, but not for her.. I worked so hard for her back then, because she already quitted school. my friends, her friends.. they all agree too : she has no future. let her hubby take care of her bah. her hubby can write poems wor =x
i cant? Lost Love was written by me. I suddenly got an urge to post another one, which i wrote for a dear friend, who had a quarrel with me. the english abit wrong, but i wrote it in sec 3. probably will edit it :

Since you say you want to leave,
I can do nothing but cry and grief..
Thinking back how hurt I was,
Losing you is my greatest loss..
You were like the sun which beamed..
You are now the storm, it seems..
If my sincere apology will do,
I will try and listen to you..

I know I have angered you too much,
Now you departed, how can you bear to leave me in the lurch?
When you advised me caringly,
I never took it seriously.
You used to nag at me for very long,
Now you don't bother even when I'm wrong.
Great friend, cheerful, you've always been,
I made the glow of hope turn dim.
It is my fault you left me..
I wish you happy, cheerful and carefree..

me figure its better than what.. pumpi-pipi-pikin-pumpkin.. and blahblah =x

ok. end of that.. hmm.. wanted to study today.. end up went TPY.. no SG code. ate sundae at macs. strawberry.. that girl gave me alot of strawberries. =/

went back to J8.. had dinner.. sundaes again.. walked to Roy's house, needed him to teach maths, god.. i learnt loads. anyway on my way there, I smsed someone special.. smsed till.. i think she fell asleep.. that was when i was doing maths at Roy's, and did not reply her for 50 mins. i almost did not finish my sundae because i was talking to her.. sundae leh!! Macs sundae.. my recent hot favourite.

i dunno.. maybe i like her? i really got a good impression of her. i dun dare fall in love ><
maybe i just wanna fall for someone fast.. and this girl is most likely the one. i mentioned her in my blog.. around Nov =x

erh back to the story abt Wen. i think if got next life.. she and i really destined to be together. because from what i calculated via feng shui thingy, she and i were a perfect match. i pray that this life she and i wont continue anything.. and since she and me so destined.. next life lor. im not those kind who totally dun wan any relationships with each other just cause of a period of quarrels. i already expected how far she and her current will go, and they did. LOL. too much psychological studies no good. but well. psychological studies = i definitely believe that all normal people are the same, they wont lie. if not i study psychology for fk? those people who thinks im a liar. pls understand that fact. im getting over Wen. i dun deny im still sad. but abit only.. control 10 days dun read her blog.. sure forget her le =) has been 3-4 days le~

oh btw.. last week Georgina told me this : I am someone who loves my stead very much, not the person with me. it means.. if i get another stead, even 2-3 days after a break-up.. give me time, longer time for more serious cases of course, and i definitely will love my stead. thats what she said la. she's trying to say im not that faithful. what is faith? can eat ar? i had such strong faith in her that i disappointed myself time and time again. in a relationship, a breakup is through the mistakes of BOTH parties. means both sides have faults.

JunHao also told me, this year, nothing is more important than my 'O's. JH even though i know u sure wont read my blog, even though i dun like the dao change in u. i appreciate and i know u still care for me, afterall we have been bosom friends. (half an hr to blog this whole thing xD.. i will forget Wenny~)

and oh... the song i wrote for Wenn.. i think.. i change the person im writing for better. Zazy was telling me, do not associate myself with people like Wen. she even suggested i change the lyrics.. tune hard to get mah.. and my tune is really nice. i think.. starting and ending part(originally meant to be my story with her as starting, and my regrets for the ending) i'll change bah.

as long as she is happy with who she is in this life.. i believe, she does not need a successful person. i wanted to be successful and win her back. but i think.. even if she's with a successful man, but there's no love.. she wont be happy either. i hope she will be with the one she loves.. =)

..

2006-07-02T01:19:00.000-07:00

changed my skin because, i think i am sick of it. i stuck to my old skin for so long.. 9 months.
im unlike -her- , sian liao just change. im more sentimental than that =x

today went to study with friends, SiYing and LiLei, friends of mine who are my classmates. When I listened to the songs in LL's hp, my eyes became teary. both of them did not know. suddenly a tear dripped onto my hand and the paper which i was doing. i took a picture of it with my handphone secretly. I don't think either of them knew i dropped a tear.

it is a tear-of-true-love, which is sought in fairytales usually. my eyes get teary very often, but its the first time i shed a tear after the breakup with Wen. if i had a bottle, believe me, i would have kept that tear. im gonna bring a small empty glass bottle with me from now on.

i believe i have found out why i changed my attitude towards Wen. i do miss her alot. the song im writing for her.. i wonder if i get to sing to her. it is a very nice song to me, im still lacking a title. i need opinions from friends. MinTing said not bad =o, can i believe? =x

tmr its time for me to study again. still owe my maid $50. i'll probably save this week and have a very good feast at the end of the week.. Fish and Co anyone? xD

21st July there's musical night, a musical concert by my school, anyone wanna go? =o

my 17-yr-old birthday was so important to me because ...................... ah i dun wanna say.. but i was so excited that i even went to a dentist on 24th May. will anyone remember me on my bday nxt yr? how will i react on her bday nxt yr.. knowing im not the bf of hers going to her house. lol.

zz

2006-06-29T23:25:00.000-07:00

wdf is going on agn.. the day started off not bad.. the song i tried to write.. i finally got the lyrics for the chorus..

wdf is going on.. someone in her blog typed "Wenn and Mervyn's never ending story on 20.5.06"
and the board tagger was "WENN".

obviously, i know she suspected me.. my school ended at 6 ffs. it was tagged on 4.54 pm

zz i wish she can forget me totally asap.. i really wanna woo her back. love is all about giving the partner the ability to destroy you, but at the same time trusting that person not to.

can i give the ability to another girl? is there a girl i wanna cheat now? or shld i be happy with her? shld i even get close to her? or repel all girls? zz

song lyrics for the song i wrote for Wenn :

Wo hen ai ni, ai dao tian huang di lao, hai shi yi yang ai ni,
wo hen xiang ni, wo de shi jie bu neng mei you ni.[i love this part of the tune alot (: ]
wo hen ai ni, ai zhe ni, sheng huo cai you yi yi.
ying wei ni, wo jue bu fang qi.

thinking of making second part of the chorus, like guang liang's songs.. commercialised chorus de.

something like.. qi ji(miracle) take over yi yi(meaning), wo ding hui nu li(i will work hard), take over wo jue bu fang qi(i won't give up).

yea.. i will work hard for my Os.. now im still considering whether i'll write a story of Wen and me better.. or write about my promises for her.

i know she sure flare up if she reads my blog.. im still unable to get rid of her from my blog =o but i know one thing.. less people reading my blog.. even my rl friends.. its gd news.. soon this blog become anonymous.. haha..

tmr.. haiz.. dunno leh.. maybe.. i try get close to her abit. it will be swell if i can fall for her too. school sux.. tiring.. but i think im more matured.. im on the speaking levels with my teachers, about their problems and mine.. heart to heart talk.. lol.. aint that more matured of me now? maybe cheeky talk with teachers, all around Singapore.. but which teacher will really tell u what's troubling them.. in their personal lives etc? =o and it's not only 1 teacher haha..

this coming 3-day break.. i will study hard.. and at the same time.. i will think through all the bad points about me which Wen stated.

-now listening to yi ran shi peng you, 'duo xi wang wo men bu ceng xiang shi guo =o' -

i wonder if Jing Wei can let me have his blogskin =x

zz

2006-06-28T20:49:00.000-07:00

i miss her alot leh.. i have not smiled this 2 days le.. just now read through my received files.. i realised i really miss her..

i no mood to do anything.. i dun wanna find a new love.

actually maybe is really i never cherish her.. keep suspecting her so much for what.. she with him 8 days she so happy.. she with me 7 days she buay tahan liao..

really happy for her.. maybe.. shld really stop disturbing her le.. make her kin forget me.. rang hou zai qu zui ta..

im very happy that i still can love Wen.. i suddenly think of one song.. Wen Xiao Qu, Ai Shang Ni.

shi qu liao ni, tao hao zhen ge tian di, you she me zhi de liao bu qi?

lost you, pleased the whole world, what's there to be proud of?

im getting boliao in sch.. but i love it.. i wrote alot of WO Ai JIA WEN~ I love baby wenn, i love xiiao wenn, mervyn loves baby wenn.. etc.. filling a whole piece of paper.. looks cool now..

i used to write alot of poems for girls.. but now.. im trying to write a song for Wen.. i've composed the tune le~ =x

i'll see if i get enough time to set my tagboard up. cause going out soon. maybe i will brighten up slightly bah.. my cheek muscles already aching abit.

wdf

2006-06-27T21:53:00.000-07:00

wdf la.. my whole mood is ruined now.. its not i want to blog about this.. i wanted to blog about something else the whole day.. my mood really is ruined now..

of course i cant track who views my blog anymore.. im changing skin this sat.. and another thing is.. tagboard will be up too.. oh.. my pt is.. my this blog all along.. like always.. is meant for my personal reference in future.. so yea.. i wont lie to my blog.. unless i make it obvious.. like the bold and huge words the previous post, that XS admitted Wen hacked my acnt.

im fcking pissed la.. everyone thinking im a liar now.. wdf.. its not fair to me at all.. all along what have i been? a simple-minded boy? almost everyone could guess my thoughts.. they could read my mind.. now.. a dozen or so are claming that im a big liar.. lies about a certain individual, and lies that are manipulative..

i really dunno leh.. today my life in school was terrible.. my heart ached very badly.. i could pay attention in class now.. i no longer sleep in class.. but at times when i think of.. someone.. my heart really aches.. and i freeze.. its my fault.. the feeling i have now, is like another breakup.. because its a demise of someone very dear to me. i brought it on myself de..

i really cannot take the pain. i dun dare get a relationship le.. together for a while.. but the times of misery is far longer than the time of togetherness.. me and uenx nh in school, getting to be looking much more pleasant.. but i dun wanna make another move.. i dun dare.. now i dun even know whether i and YuMin still possible anot.. i really really really dun dare..

i know for sure Wen won't read my blog anymore.. its a good thing.. because i can blog about what i want.. i won't badmouth her though.. because it isnt her fault.. in case friends of Wen's still read my blog, pls do not ask her to read.

really pissed with Kendrick today. he's doing it on purpose.. he trying to get Wen and me to have new quarrels, for her to misunderstand me again.. she and me totally cleared le.. why would i still talk bad about her..? i really feel Kendrick is kind of dumb.. serious.. because why? he felt i was talking bad abt her when im telling Alex about her that special and unique Wen, which is not in standard chinese dictionary.. i found out today that its from KangXi dictionary.. KangXi the emperor.. having a wide collection of chinese words. even some of my chinese teachers have never seen that Wen.

Wen, as in Wen Jing.. written as a girl's name.. thus.. the nu zi pang.

and hey.. im right.. check out my 3rd June post.. cant rmb which day.. the day i got home after leaving home. girls will not listen to what people say about her lover. isnt it true? LoL.. RK, over a girl, can forget a friendship which lasted more than 5 yrs.

and darn kendrick.. small things like this and he think im talking bad abt her.. i was talking abt Shina just now.. that moron on purpose.. said things i never did on MS buddylist.. really on purpose.. wanting Wen to read.. and wanting her to hate me again.. fcuking hypocritical.

i never said those things he claimed.. that's one.. secondly, i did say something else. but is he keep asking one.. and i did thought it was true.. ok.. its my fault. but this guy doing on purpose. i thought he was a very nice guy too.. im so wrong.. i wish that i can get my old life back.. i dun like this hypocritical life.. let alone people calling me a liar.. fck the dumb brains.

************************************************************************************
what im gonna write now is pretty private.. its nothing.. really.. i wouldnt really want people to read anyway.. but u can if u want.. but if u and me not close de.. u most likely will think its my plot or lie to gain sympathy... and __ to those people.
************************************************************************************

Wen, we still must drink vodkaa together.. we still must watch movie..
we had those promises..

Wen is a real nice girl. thats why i dun wanna fall in love.. i wanna wait for her.. the best way is to avoid girls. i did do that.. but it worked for 1 or 2 months only.. that's shaving my head after breaking with YuMin.

Wen told me these.. i won't forget.. but im afraid i will forget.. that's why i wanna write it on this blog.

she told me:

not to pon sch.. will get addicted.
not to eat at the comp.. im still eating at the comp.. i stopped eating since shina called me a liar till now.. almost 1 hr maybe?
be more considerate to people around me.. not to think of myself only.

she also told me to learn to keep my promises of course..

Wen has highlighted many mistakes of mine:

don't do things that hurt people, and say sorry sorry sorry.
don't everything say 'i know.. i know'.. i shldnt have this 'im-always-right' attitude..

she says im bhb.. maybe?

she says my words are not seen in my actions.. actually i would have rebuked on this.. im a busy person.. i have alot on my mind.. not all my promises can be remembered.. i cant rmb what i said ytd either. i seek understanding.. reminding me will hurt meh?

she told me to learn to cherish.. i did cherish her.. if not.. last year why i gave a speech on Cherish? maybe i ought to have it written here..

there was one paragraph in my speech, which was entitled 'Cherish what you have, it may be gone before you know it!".

In life, there are many things we can cherish for, like me.. cherishing the opportunity to be here on stage giving my speech, whatever the outcome, it will be a very wonderful learning experience for me.

actually i kinda forget.. but haha i spoke this.. which was the focal point of my speech.. enabling me to win my best friend Leroy back, after i lost him over a quarrel in sec 2.

'There was once a time, in a certain stage of my life, when I had a best friend. He was a really good friend of mine, but however, being childish back then, all i did was to go around and boast that i had a silly little best friend. now too late he's gone, he wouldnt come back. and poor me standing on stage here regrets for the actions done. nothing can be salvaged, why do people cherish things only after they are out of reach?'

most regretably, my behaviour and attitude back then.. the kuniang-ness.. i have changed, and yet people are still saying.. zz

ha. 10.21 liao.. i took almost 30 mins to blog this -.-"

today sch really sucked.. i miss Wen terribly la.. for lunch, i bought alot of chocolates.. but i couldnt make myself happy still.. ate the chocolates till almost sore throat.

im sry

2006-06-27T07:06:00.000-07:00

actually honestly.. i dunno what else to say but sorry, after a quarrel that is.

many things on my mind.. i had a whole load to blog before i came online..

she's happy.. im happy for her.. as for me.. i doubt i will get another relationship soon.. not even after 'O's.. to get a partner, is to hurt her and to hurt me tremendously.. i knew it.. liars only appear in drama.. real life still have no liars.. i rather be the naive me..

her blog no longer has a trace of me, for that im kinda happy.. how i wish now.. someone will wack me hard.. wake me up.. numb my feelings.. i will find a fight in sch today..

i really never flirted with anyone.. i loved Wen wholeheartedly.. maybe now.. that's why she never trusted me or anything.. its not her fault..

i told WenSong, yang bu jiao, fu zhi guo, jiao bu hao, shi zhi duo..

it simply means.. if there's no education for the child, the father is at fault.. if not well-taught, the teacher is lazy..

she neither has a father or a teacher.. no one can blamed her EVEN if she did made mistakes..

that's what i told him before i knew the truth..

as for my blog.. im considering whether or not to leader all posts back to the time i was mia..

tagboard will be up when im online.. now im trying not to come online.. especially not tonight..

my blog.. my precious memories.. but.. its 2 months in vain.. what shld i do?

i really love her alot.. i went crazy.. i over-reacted abt everything.. im currently listening to a song WS sent me.. ai hai tao tao.

zhi yao ni guo de hen hao, she me dou yi bu zhong yao.
wo bu hui gu yi da rao, gen bu hui rang ni fan nao..

quitting MS.. i might sell my acnt for $102.90? LOL. nah.. will start studying very very hard.. i will wait for her.. when im more successful, i will approach her.. i hope she forgets everything about me.. so that i can start anew.. i will let her forget me.. i wont disturb her too..

if she and him really everlasting fairytale.. i dun mind waiting a long time..

i wish u all the best..

-for some time i wont be online.. even if i am, i dun wanna be on my blog.. i need a break-
-this will hopefully be the last time i will be online in the morning before sch.. because i know im gonna be late agn-

-.-

2006-06-26T19:49:00.000-07:00

wdf seh.. she edit and say i was an anonymous tagger using the name __ and scolding her a fcuking twit -.-

i where will do such things.. zz

she calls me kuniang and niangniangqiang now.. nnb.. kinda pissed with this leh. i admit.. i was that way in first half yr of sec 2.. but i have fcuking changed and she's calling me that after 3 yrs? cheebye. if not how i got my gfs.. but haiz.. really regret la.

actually this was the reason why i liked her so much.. all my mistakes from the past have all came back to haunt me, on this girl.

too bad la.. she can say all she like about me lor.. i faster forget her also will do me more benefits than harm. she give me up de hua.. really her loss le.

OH BTW, ESTHER AKA XS, THANKS.. she has admitted that is Wen hack my account one.. lols.. i knew it la..

anyway today school was fine.. but zz sch from now on ending late. saw -her-
somehow i feel.. if i wanna jio her still.. from now on easier.. but i dun wanna fall in love agn.. nor do i want to be with someone i love.. =/ there's also my Katsuki.. gonna talk to her on msn.. then going slp.

went out with WenSong today. lol.. he told me he saw RuiKai.. poor thing sia that RuiKai =x=x
buay pai.. WenSong's character.. i like.. got anything just say.. speak your mind.. straightforwardness.. he told me lots of things sia.. =/ got good and bad..

now i know what kind of person Wen really is.. i dunno.. i really dunno.. i kept telling myself, if she were to apologise to me.. i will forgive her.. and even forget whatever happened.. but how many guys can really put down those things? i dunno.. i really dunno.. she wants to kill me now..
i told WenSong i hate her, but sometimes my heart really very soft.. haiz.. WenSong is right though.. she probably did not want to hear my explanations because it was an excuse of hers to get rid of me.. too bad la..

haiz tmr sch agn.. i miss Yumin!! LOL.. yea.. i passed by her sch today and such.. and that day i said i wanna hug her right? the next day after i scrolled my devils sunrise.. i went to look for her.. and i realised that a strange thing happened.. that strange thing is.. everything that happened between me and YuMin became so clear to me.. i think.. i really think.. i will be much much happier from now on..

lol

2006-06-25T23:33:00.000-07:00

LOL..

i went to the police, to report someone's erm.. uncle?

someone now calling me names on her blog, +with the ip of the tags on my board.. i comfirm can make her jialat.. she claims she will eventually find me?

and LOL.. she say i mess with the wrong girl? she can try.. that kind of cheap people.. boo you la.. continue calling me names.. i can even do that to you.. i know your past and ur darkest secrets. and may i remind, your blog under supervision..

dun forget hor.. your blog mentioned the police, if i were to report you for harrassment, comfirm can. try me baby..

i love this tit for tat thing, i learnt them all from you.. if you are clever, better PRAY HARD i don't fall down ok? if i do, you wont be the one apprehended, but ur dearest.. erm.. dunno who la.. you shld also be protecting me whenever possible, because this 6 months.. LoL..

i tell u la.. u wont be able to find me unless u work hard this 6 months.. u gave up the chance to find me at east coast.. dun blame anyone liao. try waiting for me outside school again.. i thought you very cocky? HUMJI LIAO AR? come down tmr la.. ur uncle's fate in your hands.. you wanna play with me.. i can tell you, you won't win this time.. reason? i have higher IQ than you. want scheme right Mrs Snake? my zodiac is snake.. we see who more sly.

i tell u la.. i can do way more.. you better wisen up and edit ur blog.. to you, i don't need to relent and be merciful. you have, till the time im online tmr. i might wake up early in the morning.. and in case you don't know.. every morning, the route i jog, passes by the police station.

boo you. so humji.

haha.. i wanted to end the post for the day.. let me add on la k?

that guy asked the police, if they were really police.. dam funny.. that S*** family or whatever, so lousy one? humji la. dio shout by police diam diam liao.. still can be people's uncle?

64529999 can dun be police de? =x that police asked him check his caller ID.. he blur blur gong gong.. so obvious flustered la.. then he say his house phone no caller ID.. LOL.. but he was on his HP leh.. then wah.. buai tahan la.. then what.. he settle time meet outside police station.. LOL.. police scold him again.. gangsterism and illegal gathering arrangements.

after that he say he go down alone.. police jack him back.. 1 person also can kill people.. the surrounding policemen all laugh.. anyway yea its quite funny..

this toot from some dikless family.. asking me if i got $ to sue them.. ha? my house got enough $$ to spend on lawsuit.. compared to that poor family.. my sister is right too.. 2-3 days ago we were talking.. she said we were quite rich still compared to other families.. im glad she's right..

oh i forgot.. this paragraph is edited in btw.. her uncle threaten threaten.. police dulan.. ask me straight lodge complain.. because in front of police still wanna threaten me.. lol.. he say he anything.. police ask him if he can take it.. actually cause punishment double.. dam fun la..

__ slut.. is ur friend disturb me.. i sms u ask u to get her to stop flaming my blog.. song boh? u got ur uncle into this one.. if i die.. he also die.. come toy me.

tsk tsk..

if i wanna blurt out your past hor.. pls ar.. dun ashamed hor. i can use other comps in lanshops to post ur blog also leh.. =) and babygirl.. screenshots dont work as evidence in court.

ppl say i over small thing report police.. what abt u? over small thing want play gangs? pls ar.. not a single person, even though i have so many gangster friends.. not one even said my decision was wrong.. cowards.. dare tmr come down hor.

lol

2006-06-25T21:49:00.000-07:00

she's fcuking pathetic.

and she knows who she is..

my tagboard dirtied liao =/

gotta remove it.. i'd love to see her come tmr. she can try.

lol

2006-06-25T09:50:00.000-07:00

its not even my fault.

everything is clear to me.

its not even my fault..

i will forget this girl and pretend i've never known her.

Mervyn only have 2 ex.

SiHwee and YuMin.

haha this girl.. she asking her friends to find me tmr.. i will be waiting.

this evening i will be at east coast, watching the sunset.

PLS

2006-06-24T09:01:00.000-07:00

Wenn and co.. PLS..

I'm trying very very hard to forget you as well... and i was doing fine.. PLS can.. let me pretend i never knew you before..

can stop fcuking make it like everything is my fault mah? I TRIED EXPLAINING.. AND PLS STOP ACTING LIKE ITS TOTALLY MY FAULT. WHENEVER I USED TO TRY EXPLAINING, U TELL ME THERE'S NO POINT? AND NOW WHAT? Wen pls.. maybe you never command your friends.. but don't forget.. you flooded my tag along with Cindy. u saw i said.. if you know you are not welcome.. don't tag a message. and you had to comment about it?

pls can? is it fcuking fair to me or not? you had to disrupt my so-called love life after breaking too? what the hell is going on la?

PLS la.. NOW REALLY NO POINT FOR ME TO EXPLAIN LIAO, SO FCUKING HELL STOP ASKING ME TO EXPLAIN.. IM NOT SPEECHLESS.. IM IGNORING U.. can start using ur brains mah?

who so free to disturb you? and who's disturbing who? ARE U EVEN BEING FAIR TO ME?

THE HACKING PART, IDIOTS WHO DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT HAPPENED THAT MADE ME SUSPECT HER, READ ON.

SHE CALLED ME AT 2.12 AM.. ASKING FOR MY PW.. AFTER SHE DID, I REMAINED SILENT BECAUSE I MISSED HER, AND WAS HOPING TO HEAR MORE FROM HER.. AND THEN I HEARD ANOTHER GUYS' VOICE SAY, "WA NI ZHEN BANG, ZHE YANG YE XING".

MY FCUKING FAULT FOR SUSPECTING HER MAH?

PLS LA. I DUN THINK ITS WORTH KNOWING YOU. YOU ARE THE ONE BADMOUTHING ME NOW. I DUNNO WHAT U HAVE WRITTEN IN YOUR BLOG. LEAVE ME ALONE AND STOP TAGGING MY BOARD FROM NOW ON. LET ME FORGET THIS 46 DAYS CAN?

..

2006-06-23T20:30:00.000-07:00

$115.50 on 90 gachapons.. wasted.. only got an 8 MA purple cape..

sold for 21m..

bought a 98 att Devils sunrise, bought 7 scrolls.. scrolled it.. all passed.. Godly Sword.. can sell 100m+.. 112 att 7 str lol.

hunted cerebes.. 91 MA DR.. but argh.. i promised MinTing a DR long ago >.< so its gone too..

thought of her, missed her, thought i could write my letter for her.. argh.. but.. i think i shldnt waste my time.

im pissed with SoonTian.. so what if i said i want to forget her, but i keep thinking of her? my fault ar? __

faithful? maybe im not.. but one thing is for sure.. im one who wants a lasting relationship badly too.. some people are plainly stupid. they think im a liar.. and they are flaming me right in my blog? why not read all my posts over this 8 months.. i cant possibly lie for 8 months.. how silly.

Cindy, if you are reading, stop tagging my boards. you are causing me and Wen to feel disturbed by each other. thanks.

will anyone ever know that my blog name is "I just want a sweet relationship."?

zz

2006-06-23T14:26:00.000-07:00

if you think im a liar, LET ME EXPLAIN LA.. if you dont hear me out, i will forever be a liar in ur mind.

what i say is wrong mah? its not i dun trust u leh.. its a truth abt fever.

u say i dun understand u?

wdf? who dun understand u more? u slping time he can sms and wake u up..

i merely msg u in game. he dun like? isnt he not giving u the freedom u need so much?

pls la.. i trying very hard to forget you now.. i know we both have been hurt.. perhaps equally?
i dun wanna visit ur blog.. its not ur fault.. but think pls.. everytime i get hurt.. i let u explain and i hear ur explanations.. everytime i hurt u.. u never hear me out.. get it? thats why u feel i tell lies.. by the time i remember what i wanna say.. its all no link liao.

lol

2006-06-23T08:28:00.000-07:00

It's fundamental knowledge for every doctor to possess, that a fever cannot last for 2 months.
Enzymes in the body will be denatured. So if one day, someone tell you he or she has a fever, and it has lasted for at least 2 months, that person in concern may either be lying, or it is a very mild fever(even 37.5 for 2 months will cause enzymes to be denatured, which will eventually cause death).

lol.. me and my sis went to 7-11 around 3.30 am.. [i woke up at 2 today =)]
it has been a long time since we seemed so close. my family getting warmer for me.. but im still bored.. cause no comp =x

now.. going out with Roy for breakfast.. perhaps i will play 90 gachapons later =) got x2 droprate and stackable x2 exp too =o

FaLLeN, has been disbanded.. sad.. but we independent soldiers of FaLLeN will rebuild one =)
thankfully.. they rank 2nd to my family, same as my closest rl best friends.

ok.. that's all for now.. tata~..

..

2006-06-22T11:50:00.000-07:00

just ate after 24 hrs no food.

i wanted to write an email for Wen, an email i know she would not stop reading till the end if she would even open it. but she doesnt want me to contact her anymore.. i guess i have nth to say.

people who really know me.. not necessarily my truest nor best friends, will definitely know im an honest man.. and now.. she feels im cheating her all along? wdf.

maple guild disbanded.. im fhking lonely now.. i want sch to reopen.. desperate for it now..

cakee told me this : theres no such thing as being unable to put a relationship down.. its only whether u want to or not. i guess i know the meaning.. forget it Wenn.. ur questions abt WS and ur psychology will never be answered.

P.S : im not the type who will put the blame on someone, as you shld know from the very first day u noe me, i will never bad-mouth my ex after a breakup.

*i wanna hug her now*

ooo

2006-06-22T05:45:00.000-07:00

lol this morning I went jogging with Seng.. 2 months never jog liao.. -.-" that guy aint a human.

well.. it was difficult to catch up with that lifeguard.. jogging still can.. push-up and sit up.. i cannot liaoz.. then went for Bak Kut Teh at amk. delicious xD

haix.. now MSN seems down =/ lonely T_T

love

2006-06-21T08:09:00.000-07:00

20.05.06 - Wen married me on MS.

20.06.06 - she married another.

really dam hurt dam sad.. i dunno what to say also..

i dun believe she dont love me le. i know Wen, you will come back to my blog =)
Love dont fade that fast. I know you really loved me.

i have learnt another lesson. all best things in life are free...

i wanted the best for Wen.. and i have spent $ on her. but it was really wrong.. she didnt like it.. it wasnt what she wanted.. she would be satisfied as long as her beloved is a darling to her everyday. i failed to see that.

in my relationship with Wen, from start till the end, everything was on monetary terms. i was spending $ at first.. and then became a fking loser.. being calculative abt everything i gave her. Wen pls do not misunderstand [that is if you can bring urself to read this far]. the reason why i wanted to be calculative.. was so that.. i can forget every single thing.. and try to be like the old me. u think i would have wanted ur mesos or whatever? no..

just now in J8... got a haircut.. there playing xiaohai bu ben2.. before i knew wen, i watched it there once, after i knew wen.. another time.. now... end le.. agn =/ then i went to amk.. then walk to bishan. walked through the park.. zz i really miss Wen >.< and i know im dam naggy.. ok thats all.. nite.

no more wen

2006-06-20T05:53:00.000-07:00

If Cindy is still reading my blog, this is what you may like to read.

I've deleted Wen from my msn officially. true it took alot of determination.. and i did it with utmost unwillingness.. i dont like to be replaced in 20 days.

Wen has had so many ex that she lost count. yet me. i have to endure the full impact of the pain of the breakup? fair to me? I intend to forget this girl, and start a new chapter of my life.

im more determined to chase my dreams of a psychologist, so that i can understand these people, and why they derive pleasure from cheating. [before friends' misunderstand, i'm positive that someone has cheated me, with a stupid method, but i fell for it]. dun ask me who that someone is. i will no longer bother abt the life and death of this girl. but she will regret in future for letting me down.

eye

2006-06-20T03:51:00.000-07:00

im losing the vision of my right eye...

duan dian.

2006-06-18T20:38:00.000-07:00

Love is short, Misery is long...
Happiness is shallow, Pain is deep.

i made myself fall for u.. i believed u.. theres nth else for me to believe in this world..

gan jue you na me tian wo na me yi lian
mei dang wo bi shang yan,
wo zong shi ke yi kan jian, shi xing de ruo yan quan bu dou hui shi xian..

duan kai de gan qing xian
wo bu yao zuo duan dian.. [when she blogged this the other day, i had a sharp pain in my heart]

she wont read my blog anymore.

i finally found my happiness before i met u. i thought luck has changed for me. i will get back the happiness i had before i know u. i will.

heart retrieved

2006-06-17T05:32:00.000-07:00

6 months ago, I left my heart at admiralty..

today i went to retrieve it.

i have led 6 months of a life of a fucking heartless beast. i've hurt 2 girls and i've not realised. where did my conscience and self-understanding go?

when i reached admiralty, it wasn't even the place i wanted to be.. i no longer yearned to be there.. the place i wanted to be, was in woodlands. somehow now i feel kinda attached to admiralty still. but i told myself good bye to admiralty.. i wont go back there.

the love i had for sihwee has ended. 8 months.. after 8 months i can finally tell myself, i no longer love sihwee. maybe i still love yumin(very minimal). i will always have abit of feelings for my EXs. thats said in my friendster =) im a sentimental person. i might miss sihwee, but really no love le. and its because of Wen. Wen is a very special girl in my life. all follys in my life, all mistakes i have made, this special girl have made me learnt alot of precious lessons. I really love her. i finally dare say i dont love sihwee anymore, its because this girl has really replaced her in my heart.

I have hurt Wen.. heartless me.. chances of us patching, is very very low. i dun think she has feelings for me anymore.. my fault.. my bad.. its all too late.. i realised my lesson too late.. its only after i dio hacked.. had more time to care about my surroundings, that i realised.. Wen loved me more than she and i imagined.. to think i believed her when she told me she didnt have feelings for me right from the start. If that was the case, she would not have shed a river of tears over me.

after my departure from Admiralty, i went to Suntec to meet Leroy, Tim, Alex, Jesslyn, Edwin and Jerald. i can say i was pretty unwilling to be there.. i wanted to be at woodlands.. admiralty and woodlands are neighbours and i couldnt go due to the time constrain.

we then went to funan there for 7-11.. i was thinking of yumin haha.. we did met there once.

then we headed for esplanade.. and we chatted there.. Tim talked about women with their satisfaction for their love lives.. seemed that Italian women are most satisfied. the focal point here is.. Singapore men are lousy lovers.. i think and think.. ya.. the way i love Wen.. its wrong >.>

Wen said before she would be contented if i were to be her sweet darling everyday.. when i read that sentence.. my heart melt.. my head hung. so ashamed of my actions..

Tim also told us some sad story of himself.. haiz =/ but i did learn things.. his jokes also very funny.. Tim is a erm.. 21-24 yr old.. dunno how old luh.. face looks like below 18.. very strong muscles and very fit.. though if not flexed.. rather flabby.. he walks to work everyday.. 45 mins walk.. 3000 sit-up a week =/ not bad har? lol.. he buy cigarrettes or enter a pub.. must have ID =x

now on MS.. quite sad.. dun wanna tell any friends.. i saw 10 att Dark Emperor and 10 str icarus cape 2.. the 2 godly items i was eying.. if only i didnt get hacked.. i would have bought them and reduced my dex le.. now must waste $110.. =/

Missing Wen.. wondering how's her fever.. and if she's enjoying herself. but i doubt she misses me anyway.. haiz.. why shld i bother.. maybe the Cindy who tagged me is right.. i shld start trying to forget her.

SORRY WEN

2006-06-16T09:17:00.000-07:00

MS acnt got hacked.

Gross Loss 150m there. Slightly more, or less.. at least 140m gone.

not alot for a 120 crusader.

i suspected Wen.

now i realise.. oh fcuk.. its definitely not Wen. what the hell am i doing.. i hurt her again last night.

dream

2006-06-14T16:35:00.000-07:00

Today Wenn and I patched up.

We got closer than ever..

We couldn't leave each other for even 2 minutes.

I hugged her in my arms tightly..

We had alot to talk about..

I told myself i would never let her go, and that i will be a fool to do so..

Then I woke up and realised it was all a dream.

Dedicated to Wen

2006-06-13T05:59:00.000-07:00

Each time i have a breakup, i will dedicate a post to that girl.

This is the 3rd time. To [Wen]. {i dont think she will even read this}

I was watching Wo Jia You Ge He Dong Shi.

i noticed many things.. and there are things i want to tell you.

Firstly.. why didn't you give me enough time? ><

http://www.friendster.com/lordloveless

-What is maturity? It is the aftermath of seeing through sorrow. Innocence and childishness, what is the difference? It is the same logic.

-Liu Yue'er had a foul temper. So did you. I knew I could handle it, why didn't you give me more time? [Another thing in common you two had. Your Maple Cat's name is baby. And so is her pet dog.]

-What keeps a marriage sacred, is in keeping promises. [I really regret not keeping that promise. I was unaware.]

-Compromise and learn to forgive. It's the way to be free in life.

-She fought for what's hers. Why isn't a woman's love enough for a guy? Why must she share a man with concubines? [I didn't fight for you.]

Anyway these are just a few highlights I noticed. The main points are here.

Even when feelings have faded, I can reach you and make you fall in love with me. If we two can fall in love again, you will only have happy memories of us. It will be the fairytale we both are searching for.

I'll repeat this to you..

From now on, I will love you and only you.. Spoil you.. Never argue with you.. Live up to my promises and never lie to you. Always protect you.. Agree with you.. Believe and have faith in you. I'll stand up for you no matter where and when.. Share your laughter, wipe away all your tears and cheer you up when you are sad. You will be the prettiest and only one in my eyes. You will be the only one in my dreams too, as well as the only one in my heart.

Whether you remember me or not, I still regard you as my wife.

[My bad, I argued with you, did not fulfill my promise, it was more like you protecting me, i did not agree with you at all times. I started off not trusting you, good thing i changed in time. And it seemed i spoilt your mood and made you cry more than cheering you up. But you have really been the one I loved only, and the one i tried to spoil. Only one in my eyes, dreams and heart.

I came online just to write this for you. If you have read, tag my board so that I will know. Good luck with your new boyfriend(if you already got one), anyway I'm sure by November, you will definitely have someone new.. take care of your health.. and.. your eyes..

I will never badmouth you in front of anyone, because i have nothing ill to say about you. you were the nicest one can be, and having you was my fortune. thank you for teaching me so many things. i'm sure knowing you is the turning point of my life. i believe, i will mature soon =)

To date, the promises i broke are less than you >< but im sure u had ur reasons. maybe you really felt sure that you didn't want to be with me.. hope we can continue what we left behind in this life, in our next incarnation. ich mag du.

..

2006-06-11T22:44:00.000-07:00

Today is my last day being online..

very soon she will forget my name.

i hate her for not giving our relationship more time.

i love her for making me fall for her.

having her in my life is a very good thing. im blissful enough to have her for 2 weeks.

to [Wen]

2006-06-11T16:37:00.000-07:00

to [Wen]

i still believe we love each other. i've tried to work things out with you, but we couldn't do it.. i've hurt u over and over again. i wonder when u will trust me again.. im lacking time.. thats why i cant blog much.. i wanted to blog a long post. take care of urself. sarang hae yo dear.

loves,
merv

no more online

2006-06-10T21:45:00.000-07:00

Today is my last day online for months. Yes i will come back occasionally.. but its rare..

Level 120 on Maple. It was tough, im awake for 33.75 hrs now.. going to bathe and then going out again.

i've thought about things.. in love, your lover is not a god, but a learning partner. who agree? lol.

i miss her and i wonder if she will wait for me...

lesson forgotten.

2006-06-06T04:55:00.000-07:00

Another lesson i learnt but forgot to include was, never give up. if i had given up on that journey.. i wouldnt have made it home..

she and i just cant meet eye-to-eye.. by requesting a chance to work things out together, am i being despo or is it i think we should both give each other another chance? i think its the latter.

i admit. i miss her but it doesnt mean anything. do i still love her? im feeling nothing but anger.

upset that yiqi got hacked on maple.. it was her first day knowing me. am i suay?

many lessons learnt.

2006-06-04T13:51:00.000-07:00

i have become nocturnal again. slept at 9+, woke up 12+.. really chionging ><

according to my time now in the blog, its 1.51 pm june 4; its currently 1.47 am june 5.
ytd worse, i didnt blog till i shut my comp down.

i am blogging about Friday's(3rd June) events. Wen and I seemed to have a gap. We were losing that special feeling. i was really very stressed out. 2-4 am on Fri, i was taking a stroll outside.. wondering if i should walk into the park, and if she still will care about me.

I went home at 4+.. and my dad found out i was out of bed by then. Leroy told me to go to bed, and so i did. but i woke up at 6+.. to write the email for Wen.

************************************************************************

I went to school, being very late, and when i reached home, ready for my 2-6 sotong slot, i realised my dad took a wire, and i was really pissed. when he woke up, i was half way watching Huo Yuan Jia 2nd disc.. i never watched it before, and my dad just stopped it. i was really pissed. he asked me to get out of the house. i said Ok, i'll change first. then he said.. if i leave, dont ever come back. thats how i left.

what was racing through my mind, was that, the next day i'll probably lose my friends. Thursday I lost Wen, Friday lost my family(could-have-been), Sat? lose friends?
i smsed my teacher.. she offered me to go to her house. ha~ what a joke. i paced to and fro from Alex's place to Leroy's place.. didnt really want to go to any of their houses. I don't want my closest buds to accomodate to my childishness. This happened in the late afternoon.

before we went to Ang Mo Kio(i arranged this outing on thurs cause i needed to destress urgently..), i bought a loaf of bread. it was gonna be my dinner for 5 days, and after meeting in AMK, i was quite hungry. and all i bought was a bowl of white rice, and after that it was destressing time at the arcade. Another friend got news of me having left my home, and he offered me to overnight at his place. he and i arent really close, so i accepted.. actually having doubts at first.. but i think.. it was a pleasant night.. his house 24 hours on air con one =x i went for a swim before going up too.

my bed was beside the computer in another room. i managed to stay up to chat abit with my friend, before i couldnt take it and fell asleep. when i woke up, it was 11. my handphone was in front of me, fully-charged. i used his comp, brushed teeth at his place(his mom gave me a new toothbrush), and had lunch there, before going to swim again.. after swimming, i realised my mother called me. She told me that my dad got a high fever. 38 degrees+ and that he was really out of breath that he couldnt reply anyone who talked to him. (my dad has diabetes, heart attack, and kidney failure.. very complicated illness).

i went home, took my things, and left for home.. i walked home one step by one step, using my feet to bring me back. it was really a long walk, newton to bishan. i thought of many things.. and these are the focal points of my post.

Firstly, happiness is meant for one's ownself to achieve, happiness cannot be given. guys should never tell girls that they are able to give them happiness, when they themselves are unable to remain happy. its really childish. Guys' happiness are relied totally on how the girl reacts to things, including breakups.

Secondly, there are really things in the world that are more important than relationships. family comes before everything. your girlfriend can tell you "we 2 are people from 2 different worlds. we are not meant to be together". and with that, she leaves you.
your father, nor your family, will ever tell you "we are people from different worlds, we are not meant to be father and son(in my case)".

Thirdly, white rice and bread.. really bu hao chi.. from now on i only want good food.

Forthly, before i went back to my friend's place to take my things, i was swimming. my body was wet, and i was walking home wet. my shoes were heavy, it wasnt easy.. i didnt feel tired.. i didnt bother to take a rest.. i just continued walking. it was troublesome carrying the bread too.

Point : one should always look forward, resting will only delay the time you succeed. no matter how difficult the journey is, we should not give up. many will say, i should just take a bus back. if i took a bus back, i will not have straightened my thoughts out readily. if we take the easy way out for everything, we will not benefit, but become more reliant and take things for granted.

Fifthly, it was difficult to be without money. i will make it a point to start saving $.

After i got home, i apologised to my dad, and requested 10 days from him to set my online affairs into place, before i start to study hard. 240 hours.. after persuading, he agreed to give me 1 week.. thats how the 188 hours started. I have enough time to clear things with Wen, and also enough time to reach level 120 on Maple.

Refer to my post on 31th May (i think), and many will realise that, whatever was stressing me, i am finding solutions to them.

Sixth lesson, i have learnt that suiciding will not solve anything. i really did consider attempting suicide, i felt i was driven to an end.

Seventh, whether i am aiming for a JC, or a Poly, i still have to take O lvls.. (learnt this from talking to my friend's mother.)

Someone feels that i put to heart, the fact that she misses her ex-boyfriend. i've certain issues to discuss on regarding this.

1. How much she likes her ex-boyfriend is COMPLETELY beyond my control. It's not something I can change at all.

2. I could tell a woman that her boyfriend's a jerk EVERYDAY, but that wouldn't change a thing. Nothing anyone could say can EVER change the opinion of a woman about her lover. Because at the end of the day, her attraction for her boyfriend will cut through EVERYTHING.

3. This means one should just work on attracting her and raising the chemistry with her without worrying about her ex-boyfriend at all. Just ignore his existence. Never mention him and NEVER argue with a girl about forgetting her ex-boyfriend. If she only have unpleasant memories about the cause of break-up between her and her ex-boyfriend, and at the same time having wonderful memories with her current boyfriend, who is she going to love more?

I hope I've made myself clear. If i really minded alot about him, at the end of the day, am i going to love you or him? I rather make use of that concentration to work out wonders between us.

Next lesson learnt : Eoin told me in Secondary one, "start changing now or people in future will label you as, hey that's the gay in my sch". I did not follow his advice totally, and remained acting like a wuss till sec 2. But hey, its sec 2. i changed after that. undeniable fact. and now 'many people' claim to be my good friends and tell you that i am a gay la? some friends of yours told me, 'if you were gay, you wouldnt even have fallen for her.' the biggest mistake you have made regarding your belief for my behavior, is that you never asked YuMin(myillusion), about whether im gay or not.

Another thing i want to tell you is that i tried so hard to woo you, and at the end, you questioned my love for you?

Ok im done with my blogging. thank you, and i hoped that of so many lessons here, you guys will be able to absorb at least 5%.

=)

2006-06-02T00:43:00.000-07:00

yesterday.. the post i posted.. is not totally accurate.. i dont know what to do either.

its ending. what abt my birthday next yr? and what abt our future birthdays to come? lol.

sad

2006-06-01T01:09:00.000-07:00

on my birthday.. i read through my blog again.. the opening of the blog, has many matters related to Si Hwee.. once again she is in my mind.. 30th May.. i cried out.. i couldnt control my tears.. i just wanted to cry. sheok.. long time never cry the way i did yesterday.

i've let Si Hwee down.. it was my fault.. i was way too immature, and "that failed experiment, was cruel to be carried out on Si Hwee".. right now.. my heart is locked up in Admiralty.. i really must visit that place this friday.. maybe i'll get to see her too..

ok back to reality and the present.. as i've said.. i cried. that probably shows that these few days.. im really really upset.. when someone is no longer sweet to you.. that person might not realise.. but the difference the receiver feels, is difficult to explain with words.. i dont want to rack my brains thinking of the right words to fit in anyway.

i've fallen in deep love again.. unable to pull myself out. i dont know what to say regarding that.. im really really stressed out these days..

Teacher, Father, Mother, Sister, Maple, Future, The Great Dillema, SoonTian, and maybe even Wen?

Teacher : wishes me to quit maple.

Father : wants me to stop playing comp.. __ i dont want to start my studies in JUNE!! __

Mother : wants me to save more $.. i really cant.. not for these 2 months..

Sister : HEY FUCK U, get a life can? stop comparing urself with me and stop giving me ur assesment test papers.

Maple : My lvl 120?? i've not levelled for close to 2 weeks.

The Great Dillema : i cant elaborate on this.. this is the greatest problem of my life.. both choices i make will result into lifetime regret.. i wish i can have both..

SoonTian : gotta return him 20m mesos by 2nd June, which theorically, is tomorrow.

Wen : .... perhaps i only have dots to say? Wen, if you are reading this, i hope you trust me too, and do not misunderstand my tone. i will never give u a harsh tone.. i have been upset these few days.. a pity you still dont know what caused my misery, or perhaps have not even noticed me being sad.. thanks har for the 'birthday gift' u gave me.....

now im sure everyone can see how stressed i am.. if not for Wen, and not for the mesos i owe Alex and SoonTian.. i already jump and suicide le.

i also cant remember what i wanna blog. im really unhappy now..

so sad.

2006-05-26T16:41:00.000-07:00

had meet-the-parents session today.

dio kbkp by my dad. at least better.. now my teachers understand why im so upset with going to sch though i do like it.

whether or not people ask me to, i still will study, but now.. got fucked up restrictions. i dont like it, though for my own future i still will study. if my dad, or my teachers are reading this. pls understand that i hate it __

really unhappy now.. im weird to Wen today. but she doesnt understand that, im already missing her. it will be 2-3 full days.. if inclusive of tonight -- 4 days, that i will be without her, unless she calls me of course. i know whats going to happen, i know who im falling in love with.. perhaps already fallen for?

Yue Ding kept replaying in my mind.. Xing Fu de Yue Ding.. =/

i trust her. i know she wouldnt cheat on me for this mere 3 days.

but im pretty upset though i didnt say it. pretty upset that she couldnt accompany me for my birthday. it was such an important day to me.. i really never valued my birthday till such lengths before. i dont blame her, but i wonder, how will my next birthday be.

<3

2006-05-25T14:25:00.000-07:00

it is my birthday today, and this birthday is very different from past years..

this one year, my life has great changes, and i've let too many people down.. now that i have Wen.. i won't let her down le.. i almost did.. for not trusting her.. but come to think of it.. deep down in my heart.. nothing was too much that i had to be affected over it..

look at the time its being blogged lol. 2.25 -.- i think if 5.25.. it would be nicer? lolx.

Academically, i have let myself down.

Maple-wise, im still lower lvl than alot of people -.- and i was same batch as Ossaris de.. -.-

Relationship-wise.. i'll try my best to maintain that 'never-ending fairytale'.

friendship-wise, thanks Leroy and Alex for accompanying me through my journeys. thanks Jing Wei for being there when im upset.. and too many more to be named.. like my classmates.

i hated that class -.- today i had a birthday bash too. lols. by 5A1 and 5A2.. interesting though.. im not aching anymore.

Wen if you are reading this, believe me =) because i believe you too.. we can work out a healthy relationship together.

..

2006-05-14T00:27:00.000-07:00

yesterday was wonderful(12th May and 13th May).

I've got babywenn..

i've also proposed to her on maple..

what's past is past. thus.. for the missing one month.. i will not account for anything that happened to me.

This babywenn is from my primary sch, Ai Tong. i suddenly feel very proud of my primary school, because i know that my primary school nurtures potential and discipline in everyone.
almost everyone from that school will release their potential, and become a talent in any aspect.

In life, there are ups and downs, pros and cons. In life, there is also hypocrites and liars. but now.. i only have one wish and one goal to work for.. i just want to settle down properly... i just want to do what i can.. for close to one year now, i have been a very unhappy person. my only happiness are from my best friends. Having people to respect my Maple, having people to respect my damage in Maple.. having people to idolise me, trust me, and have faith in my trading-ethnics (of mesos for cash), is not what i really want. sitting in front of the computer all day long, is neither what i want.

it is just so difficult, why are there people out there trying to disturb me, especially rumour-mongers.. what does she gain from spreading tales about me? if we went each other's way.. why does it still happen..? zz

dam pissed and upset with what happened during the 'climax' of my day. i know what and i know who i want, and i beseech people to stop disturbing me! 'its over.. '<< i wasnt the one who said it back then.

i just hope.. that its a misunderstanding involved. i rather use my mouth to settle everything, its my best weapon.

(sorry for making this post such an unpleasant one.. not in a very good mood)

lol

2006-05-12T07:22:00.000-07:00

" />

continuos..

2006-04-13T00:24:00.000-07:00

LOL.. i did have a great piece of mind thinking never to blog again..

but I am so lonely now..

anyway to continue my blog..

that day Alex and I went out.. (erh those i didnt blog finish.. let it be bah.. =x)

i think was go out with Cheryl Choo first.. my primary sch fren.. went to swensens to eat ice cream together.. then Alex asked me to go to Plaza Sing.. very waste time nia.. there saw 2 more primary sch frens.. went steady le.. =x

went there with the objective to meet 2 guildmates de.. but they didnt turn up.. at the food court there.. i really enjoyed myself thoroughly sia.. talked about old times.. i really laugh and laugh.. till next day sore throat..

then the next day.. i gave up YPP.. to go out and meet the girl, June, from the guild.. she's chio.. think she's 21 this yr.. then i went back earlier.. was left with 15 minutes of double exp.

the next day.. again.. gave up double exp.. to attend my guild at that time, ReunioN.. guild outing.. it was Yu Min's guild.. i thought it was the guild for me.. but i was wrong.. i wanted to go home play maple.. and to chat with Yu Min that day.. =/ but well.. she's still rude.. ah anyway i dun want to talk about her anymore.. at least now she and me.. dun really have hatred for each other le.. more of neutral party..

there was this kid below 16.. they tried to smuggle him to watch an NC16 show.. that scene still etched on my mind.. it was so gan ga.. and I was the only calm one.. can u believe it? so many 20+ yrs old de.. they asked the kid to go toilet hide.. that usher smart.. he counted the people and knew one was missing.. eventually that boy came out.. anyway.. 5 stars for the rule-keeper of cine.. he didnt take bribes or anything.. did his job well.. he arranged for another show for that kid.. he had to watch alone.. by rights he can just dun let the kid watch.. and detain the ticket..
i volunteered to watch with him.. i angry is.. that boy keep kbkp.. the show at first was a haunted show which just started.. but he scared.. he change to a comedy that has started for half an hr.. i dun really regret la. but 9.50 like that throw =/ after that went to the kopitiam near cine there.. alot of people sia.. end up.. dunno why.. i ended up buying drinks for everyone zz..

nxt day still fine.. i went home early.. i heard they stayed there till 8am.. heng i never stay with them.

in the morning, went to meet another member.. the guild master of Roy's and Alex's guild(CrystalShard).. went for breakfast.. had like 3 hrs of sleep.. gd thing my father woke me up.. saying my fren called many times.

that day went lanshop play gb.. throw $20.. i paid for Roy.. =/ sigh.. lol.. writing all these reminds me how much $ i threw away le. but that day i very accurate.. macham aimbot.

so long since i last saw Alex.. i kept thinking when was the last time i saw Alex in person.. i got my answer..

double EXP making our relationship seems split. anyway im proud to say that my maple lvl 97 le.. tomorrow around 20 mins of training, and i will be lvl 98. aiming for 100 on Sat 10 oclock.

Sunday can finally start studying.. woot..

i feel more relaxed now.. but im still upset.. I love Yu Xuan.. but why does all her friends think im a flirt.. =( i promise to try to change that thinking of people.. right now im going to bathe.. when im back i'll write a letter for Sandy. (Yu Xuan's fren)

heh heh

2006-03-22T16:57:00.000-08:00

quite sometime since i last updated le.. and no.. im not gonna close my blog.. its now on conservation =)

hmm.. the holiday period i had lots of fun lor.. actually not really fun also.. hmm.. lol i sort of forgot when i blogged until.. anyway.. fun is not a proper word.. this holiday i spent alot of time mapling, and in search of the watch for Yu Min.. and almost everyday.. breakfast with Leroy.. lol.. lets start with breakfast kk? =) we did have fun having breakfast la.. went to Cheng San market there.. hmm i wonder if its the correct spelling.. Ave 10 AMK market.. so far from our place.. we also went to Thomson prata house.. my old house there.. i ate and had stomach upset.. couldnt go tuition.. actually main reason was i very tired.. that night i didnt sleep =/

brother from malaysia came back also.. had one day of meal.. diao.. i didnt really like it lor.. when i stayed at my old home.. it was.. JUMBO at east coast.. instead of now.. zu cao at nearby coffeeshop =/

anyway.. that week.. i know I missed Yu Min alot.. attempted smsing her and such.. didnt get replies i wanted.. might as well.. maybe she really dun love me le.. i can only wish her good luck.. unless what? use gun force her? she's just too important to me.. i still waiting for a miracle.. i desperately need one..

as for mapling.. its just so-so.. sian liao.. quitting soon most probably.. haha i said this many times le? i want play ludibrium nia.. if not sold le..

btw.. my record for staying awake now is 36 and a half hrs =)) that day lor.. =x

last day of holidays.. that night i didnt sleep too.. then my brother from malaysia caught me awake at 6+.. around thursday.. my dad banned me from comp.. he gave me an allowance till 1am everyday.. i didnt argue cause it was good enough.. i admit i was angry.. lol.. but i didnt get any scolding.. i also dunno if he told my dad.. my mother thought i slept.. cause i pretend.. then when she woke up.. i knew.. i run to bedrm.. then she walk out.. i pretend she woke me up with her loud voice lol..

but i think my dad knew i never sleep.. went out for breakfast with roy.. then.. after that wasted alot of time walking back and such.. till 10++
went home.. browse net abit.. looking for watches shop in Singapore.. did abit of research.. then i smsed Yu Min's sister.. cause i saw a watch of hello kitty.. made up of 0.8 carat diamonds.. 3750 US$ =/

lol.. sms sms then she say they at Orchard.. Min also there.. so i went down lor.. but yea.. couldnt find them.. she said Min wanted to go somewhere else cause she knows i was going down.. after searching for close to 2 hrs i think.. then i gave up le.. i went to AMK..

there also got watch shops mah.. then i also saw pants that i like.. but i went arcade.. played abit.. thrashed everyone LOL.. REALLY EVERYONE.. NOOBOS.. that day i looked like some ah beng who decided to become guai kia.. really.. ah bengs see me also like that only.. i make them fly they also never walk over kbkp.. i look like those.. do very evil things then learn my lesson and such.. =x

then i saw.. top up $20.. free $20.. and then.. thats what i did lor.. haha.. at first i thought go arcade play first then buy my pants.. i spent $20 le.. the rest must keep for my hello kitty watch nia..

went to macdonalds.. and studied there.. alone.. myself.. my sister woke me up nia.. erh.. alex wants to go out with me.. i continue the rest later =x

..

2006-03-13T20:17:00.000-08:00

I had a dream of Yu Min.. i dunno.. after that long long post.. i had a dream of Yu Min.. she didnt want to talk to me even in my dream...

i dun even rememeber what time i woke up ytd.. i only know now is 8.15 pm+.. and i have been awake for more than 28 hours.. not tired.. i even went for a 40 minute non-stop jog this morning.. actually i was quite happy this morning while jogging..

right now i am really so hurt.. Yu Min will never give me a chance to clear the misunderstandings le.. im feeling so lost.. she knows i had another account which added her on MSN. she has blocked that account le.. i really dunno how.. my hopes for the watch has been dashed.. but im not giving up.. im still finding it..

i can really quit MS or ANYTHING she asks of me.. oh boy.. i really love her alot.. she doesnt give a damn abt me..

heard the song Kiss Goodbye today.. i dont know the lyrics yet.. i only know 'mei yi ci he ni fen kai'.. i and my Min.. fen kai many times le.. i wish i can hug her.. never to let go..

*just a childish boy embracing that irrealistic dream*

I love Minmin..

2006-03-12T04:33:00.000-08:00

for the past 3 days(Wed, Thurs, Fri).. days after Yu Min and i had our big quarrel.. ever since the time i last blogged till now.. my days have been very unlucky.. I can't believe that only 4 days have passed. T_T im suffering.. it really seemed like an eternity.. back when i did not know Yu Min.. i thought i liked somebody.. but i wasnt suffering.. my life passed fast and happily still..

I don't really remember how suay I was on Wed.. but I think.. early in the morning, my chemistry test was pathetic.. and i was nostalgic during chinese period. Can't remember whether it was Wednesday or Thursday that I slept during English Test, and ended up doing 8 points out of 14 for summary(it really seemed like years ago). Wednesday I quarrelled with my best friend of 11 years, Alex -.- Almost quarrelled with everyone. I wanted to level my maple on that day.. a friend wanted to play my account.. for 2 hours, which was 12% xp.. so i happily allowed him to use my account, but at night when I logged in, left another 8%.. and NO YETI PEPE MAP! SO ITS LIKE 5% AN HR, AND I HAD TO SPEND 1 HR 30 Mins more T_T .. I rather had leveled on my own..

Thursday, I did not understand Maths.. then I was short of 20 cents to buy a drink I wanted to drink.. so i went to the rice store, bought the seaweed chicken or chicken sushi.. supposed to have a dollar change.. but after that i realised i did not have $1 at all.. only 50 cent + 20 cents.. (i had 70 cents all along, i bought $1.20 of food, and paid with the 20 cents i already had.. the drink was 90 cents) the 20 cents was my change.. only then i realised that i might have been scammed by the uncle all along.. because i dont count my change.. i put them straight into my pocket.. suay until in the end i had to borrow 10 cents.. omg.. me..? borrowing money? and 10 cents? =/ in the end i just bought a 70 cents drink and returned the 10 cents.. maybe all these aren't unlucky.. but they are negative things.. and very uncommon nowadays.. the worse thing is.. SOMEONE I DUN LIKE, AND NEVER LOVED, AND NEVER BEEN WITH HER, ditched me.. wtf man.. her name is Yu Ting, someone's whose voice sounded alot like Yu Min's on phone.. since Sunday she already called me.. it was her who wanted to be my friend.. I never met her. Thurs morning and Wed night.. I was told by SoonTian, that she, told him that I was irritating, and wanted me to stop calling her and smsing her.. (i'll get to the point as to how ST got to know her).. omg? wtf? i sms her sometimes at night.. like good night.. she was supposed to be my alarm clock one.. sometimes she sms me.. obviously i reply right? then she can keep miss calling my handphone.. UNTIL I CALL HER BACK. stupid leh..

Friday was the most saddening and most unhappy.. I really really miss Yu Min alot.. school wasn't that good.. was almost late for school. early in the morning dont know why principal wanted to talk to the school.. of course i slept, as usual.. went back to class at 8.30+ .. so left half an hr of Maths.. Samantha, Si Ying and Li Lei.. the 3 female friends who always talk to me nowadays in class.. all of them were not present =/ especially Samantha.. she was going to Hong Kong that day.. and i meant to pass her money to request her to buy a Hello-Kitty watch there on my behalf, meant for Yu Min's birthday gift. I really have to rack my brains now as to how i am going to get my hands on one..

Physics lesson after that, the class was told to stay back after school for chemistry practical.. and i became restless.. great.. my last hope of finding something to do to make me happy, was gone.. so i remained uncomfortable the whole period.. didn't absorb or read ANYTHING regarding Electromagnetic or something.. see.. i dun even know the title..

English time i super pissed with teacher.. she wasnt even treating me like a student.. i bo chup.. i wont go into details.. but i understand her good intentions and the hardwork she has put into teaching us.. and for that i dun plan to let her down..

after school, practical was cancelled.. so i went back home.. played abit.. play until i can die on maple for something stupid and lost my safety charm.. played until i decided that I wanted to go down to Bishan Stadium to watch the sports heats. there was someone I wanted to see.. but didnt get to see her.. I thought i did see that person.. but until now im not sure if that person did go there.. haha but the main reason was because i needed company.. with my classmates of course.. it was fun la.. but i went to buy coke.. but the bottle so sticky.. and i was holding it straight. the liquid still leaked out.. then my hands were filled with coke.. zz after that i walked to Roy's house with some sec 3 girls.. Cheryl, Kai Ling etc. talked alot with Kai Ling.. or relatively alot.. since the journey to his place from the stadium isn't that far. I also disturbed Cheryl and she confessed that she liked Leroy. lol =x i recorded down but Leroy doesnt believe that it was true.. he feels i threatened her or something..

went to find my classmates at J8.. they watching movie, sure i would like to join them.. but something more important was awaiting me.. and that is my dream girl.. Yu Min.. i took a cab down to Pei Hwa Sec.. but the cabby did not know where the place was.. he told me after we were half-way on the journey.. diao.. i told him Serangoon and that I was very sure.. erh paiseh la =x its not my school mah.. luckily he had the book.. and i knew how to read the book.. read it before once last year during July.. so within 20 seconds i got the map he needed.. it was in Seng Kang there =.=

it started raining, and upon reaching my destination, i got off the cab.. the rain was getting heavier.. thank goodness it was for a shortwhile.. I was very very scared, many thoughts were embracing me.. fears of she having left the school, fears of her rejection, fears of her jeers, shy, lost for words, embarrassed, and many more, filled my mind.. i saw the ice cream erh.. stall perhaps? I walked that way.. on my way to walk nearer to the school.. i was filled with emotions.. i almost couldnt control myself..
i saw images.. of my imagination.. of Yu Min, entering the school.. being bullied by that discipline master.. it was very hurting.. then.. i saw someone who looked like Yu Min.. entering a lorry.. why would YM be entering a lorry? i cleaned my spects and see again.. that girl was far-fetched from Min.. maybe cause i was too anxious to see her.. almost everyone looked like Min.. there was a rainbow there also.. opposite the school.. it was beautiful.. i was telling myself.. that when i see Yu Min.. i must tell her that the rainbow is there for us.. every storm, will have a peaceful and beautiful aftermath.

then.. I saw another girl.. this was much after the first incident.. the way she carries her bag.. looks like Min.. the way her hair is tied, resembles Min.. her shoes are same as Min's.. then.. she was putting a bottle over her eyes and face there.. and her head was bending downwards.. i kept calling Yu Min's hp.. but no one answered.. and that girl never took her hp out.. that girl really seemed to be avoiding me.. of course i followed.. that backview really looked like Min.. i couldnt smile at that time.. i was very very scared.. but I couldn't let the chance disappear before my very eyes.. i will regret.. like i am now.. i kept following until there was a stairway and a lift.. it was the way to the LRT Layar.. the girl's friends went up the lift first.. the bus stop there was deserted.. there was only a tall guy and that girl.. i pretended to go to the bus stop de.. then i walked back.. looking directly in the face of the girl.. she didnt seem to be like Yu Min.. if only i had went up and asked if she were Yu Min.. i mean.. people who see such a case.. they will ask me if im silly or not.. not being able to recognise my own girlfriend? it has been a month.. and girls change very fast within a month.. what really made me curious was.. once i was out of sight of the girl.. i received an sms from Yu Min.. she said that she was in her aunt's house and she never went to school.. true i called her and smsed her.. asking where she was.. but she didnt have to tell me she never went to school.. this really makes me very curious and i dont know if i get a chance to ask her.. i went back... but the girl was gone already..

wait.. did i mention that.. after i got off the cab.. while waiting for the traffic light to change its light, i got splashed by a water puddle, caused by another taxi? unlucky sia..

seeing that that was no one else coming out from the school as the school now seemed deserted without a sign of exuberance in it, i headed for the ice cream 'palour' and purchased a chocolate ice cream.. i know that almost everyday without fail, Min will buy ice cream.. thats why i bought ice cream too.. but silly me.. i accidentally dropped ice cream onto my shirt and pants.. whenever i smsed Min, she would tell me she's at the bus stop.. thinking now also.. her sister once told me.. she had to take a bus to Seng Kang.. then perhaps change another one to reach school.. i supposed.. she has to take a bus to Seng Kang interchange and then board the LRT to reach school.. really so mafan..

after that i called Roy and Alex.. asking both of them where we were going.. i went home.. then i was late.. we were supposed to meet at 8.50 + or something liddat.. long delay cause i was doing sth =x then i was late mah.. so i ran from my doorstep to my lift, from the lift i ran straight to the bus stop.. i sprained my ankle.. >.<

today(saturday) was an act of stupidity.. i wanted to buy strawberry earrings on maple.. a/w on forums was 3.3m .. so i told the guy i a/w it.. then upon meeting him.. he asked for 3.4m.. i was thinking its so unfair.. so we traded.. i put 3.3m and I ACCEPTED WITHOUT HIM PUTTING THE ITEM.. idiot right? he take.. zhao and log out.. after a while then he logged in again.. he greedy demanding for the 100k.. i cancel.. then i think.. i shld trade it.. at most pay 100k more.. then he said his friend say shld take 200k.. so he tried to extort 200k from me.. i told him.. fine.. he wins.. and after trading.. after getting the strawberry earrings.. i told him say.. i report u for scamming.. =x i really wanted to.. i alerted GM in the game.. and posted on forums.. after that he got really very scared.. and said that he will give me the 200k back.. he seemed polite after that =) so i edited the post on the forums.. alerting GM not always useful.. but the forum one will be there.. i removed it with a 'ty' =x

a few hours before that.. i had a stupid argument of clerics and priests.. then my jie.. Angeline.. my only jie.. she really pissed me off on maple when i was asking for Hs priest.. my whole party needed a priest.. then she was telling me.. since u say we weak.. dun find la.. i already said they were important.. and i said that 2-3 hrs before her childishness came in.. i deleted her..

this post very long rite? haha how long liao.. actually i did not have a new dear.. the dear i mentioned that day, of course isn't Yu Ting.. never met her before.. its just a hoax.. I wanted Yu Min to read my blog.. seems like she didnt.. no point.. I really love Yu Min alot.. in my whole life, my feelings for her are the most true, yet so illusionary.. she made me very very happy.. but she inflicted the most pain onto me in just a short period of aquaintancy. all my friends think i am very happy with my life.. no one really knows that i still love Yu Min alot.. perhaps no one bothers about me anymore also lol.. i really wish that the time that Wei Long wanted to hit me, will come back.. because Yu Min touched my heart so many times during that period..

i kept my pain to my heart.. i never voiced anything about Min.. my feelings for her never changed even though i know that she probably dun love me any longer.. everything was a misunderstanding.. and misunderstandings will hopefully be solved.. i hope it wont be too late when my misunderstandings with her are solved.. who knows.. maybe in my life.. Yu Min is the first girl i really loved.. now its 5.40 sharp.. more than 1 hr just to blog this lols.. I love Yu Min only leh now.. i cant speak for the future of course.. just a while ago i was viewin her school's info.. i know i really love her alot.. actually i realised my love for her.. when i was near her school.. that overwhelming feeling was not like anything i ever experienced..

lol

2006-03-08T00:00:00.000-08:00

someone thinks that i have no one who loves me.. well.. i got new dear le..

sad is sad.. and true that the new dear is not one i really love.. but sigh.. the one i love.. has misunderstandings with me and she doesnt want to clear them.. doubt she'll call me.. she dun trust me afterall..

poem for Minmin

2006-03-02T00:18:00.001-08:00

I miss Yu Min.. its unbearable without her..

I used to walk on a lonely road,
without your love as my coat..
With nothing to shelter me from the storm,
Until you came into my life, wherever from.

Since you say you want to leave,
I can do nothing but grief and grief..
Thinking back how hurt I was,
Losing you is my greatest loss.. :'(
You were like the sun which beamed..
You are now the storm , it seems..
If my sincere apology will do,
I will always listen to you..

I know I have angered you too much,
Now you departed, how can you bear to leave me in the lurch?
When you advised me caringly,
I never took it seriously.
Great darling, loving, you've always been,
I made the glow of hope turn dim.
It is my fault you left me..
I wish you happy, cheerful and carefree..

~Reflections for relationship with Yu Min~

2006-03-01T19:56:00.000-08:00

~Reflections for relationship with Yu Min~
(sigh.. just now webpage close, retyped)

I know that Yu Min hates me alot, and the chances of her reading this is slim, but I sure wish she does. Yu Min should be the 3rd girl in my life. But she is the first girl I am writing a reflection for. No one was there for me to voice my pain and unhappiness with Si Hwee. I had to hide everything in my heart. No one understands me, and there was no one for me to trust. Yu Min was not the first girl after Si Hwee, there were many.. and one of whom was quite likely to become the one I could talk to, was Rena, who could not take it after 1 month. She said that I did not care about her, which was quite true, because I could not forget Si Hwee yet.. she was also not worth my trust. I did not even bother much about her. Of all 3 girls, Yu Min made me the happiest. I don't deny that I first met Yu Min, was on Maple. I didn't want to admit that I got a second hurting relationship from Maple. That day, I was upset with Si Hwee which resulted in me getting to know her.

Right from the start, me knowing Yu Min on Maple, somehow I felt that I know she was the special person for me. She was different. I still did like Si Hwee, but I allowed myself to fall for Yu Min. As I got to know Yu Min, I loved her more and more. Yes Love.. because I still love her, it did not fade. I cannot forget the time, in the movie theatre, I called her after the movie "Memoirs of a Geisha", just to tell her, that I love her. I know she was very touched at that time. I said those 3 precious words too many times, I won't get to touch her like that again. Loving Yu Min really made me daring, that night after the movie.. I had a quarrel with Si Hwee. Without Yu Min in my life, I would never have dared to do it. I sound like a jerk? why do people think that Si Hwee was good to me and I was nasty to her? why not the other way round? I know for sure that Yu Min thinks like this. For 5 days, my life with Yu Min was very pleasant, I loved knowing that I had her in my life. That might have been the happiest 5 days in my life after knowing Si Hwee. Then after that got Chinese New Year and such, but before Chinese New Year, I fell ill, and she was so concerned. I will never forget that.

With Yu Min, I felt so natural, so happy, felt like I really was on heaven. Having her before the first broke-up, was the best feeling I ever had in my life. I enjoyed hugging her, but I did not know she dreaded being hugged. That feeling I can never dream of having it again, maybe cause of my emotional scar. I loved Yu Min most so far in my life, but she is also the one who hurt me the deepest. It is only barely more than a month that Yu Min and I got acquainted. I never kept much of her smses, msn conversations etc. Because I thought that she and me will last forever. I honestly believed it.

Problems between me and Yu Min is, firstly she is too headstrong, yet I wanted to make her can't live without me, I was too impatient to accomplish that. I wanted that because I really wanted to last with her. Secondly is probably because I treated her too well, which girl likes submissive guys..? I also did not have enough tolerance, Yu Min lied alot to me because she was insecured, should be bah.. she should have been afraid that I would leave her. But it turned out she did not trust me. Another reason might be the age gap, whenever I was going to lose her, I would call her immature, but to be honest I don't really feel so. I loved her in the first place cause I felt she was a more mature 14 year old. I just hope she would have came back to me. Yu Min was good to me also. She would heed my advices, but the first stupid quarrel she and I had, was over the word 'patient'. Her friends all teach her wrongly. I guess don't really have a chance for me to tutor her. And it might also be because she and I seldom have the chance to go out together. What upset me is, she thought I saved the few smses of hers, to send to other people to make them think she is a bad person. No way man.. Yu Min is a good girl, but she's just too headstrong. She also wants to be loved, and she wants people to understand her. Yu Min also thinks that.. I don't really love her. She is so wrong.. =( maybe I should grant her the freedom she wants..

Sadly, Yu Min.. is a very important girl to me, but it seems that destiny has it that it is fated for me and her not to be together. I can only wish for another chance to see her. I have already decided to look for her one day. She is still my <33 I do think I like someone else. But I never give up on Yu Min because I cherish relationships. And I was writing a poem for Yu Min the day she and I broke up. I lost all inspiration after that but the first verse is this :
I used to walk on a lonely road,
without your love as my coat..
With nothing to shelter me from the storm,
Until you came into my life, wherever from.

zz

2006-02-23T21:58:00.000-08:00

i walked in the rain today.. missing her.. i know the more i tell her i luv her.. the more she wont come back..

i dunno what to do le..

=D

2006-02-22T21:52:00.000-08:00

im free..

but..

Mervyn loves Yu Min more than he loves Si Hwee, but.. Mervyn never forget Si Hwee..

im free to miss whoever i want.. and to love whoever i yearn.. no one controls my life anymore.

END.. BLOG CLOSED!

lol

2006-02-22T18:22:00.000-08:00

broke up with Yu Min le.. thats the final straw.. last chance everything.. destroyed..

looking at my hair.. my bald head.. was it worth it..? maybe cause she hasnt seen me after i shaved my head.. thats why my bald head didnt affect her at all.. maybe also thats why she hasnt been thinking how important she was to me..

sad is sad.. sigh.. but what to do.. i dont dare to love people le..

hurt..

2006-02-22T17:37:00.000-08:00

i got hurt today.. many many times.. right after yesterday.. i was so happy yesterday......

really very hurt today.. at first in school.. Yu Min thinks that.. maple is more important than she is.. when will she ever learn that.. SHES THE MOST IMPT TO ME.. zz im angry now.. but i still contained my anger.. shes giving me the cold shoulder now..

miscommunication again.. i dunno how long she and i will last le.. shes not even willing to talk when shes angry.. how will we be together.. sigh.. i also dunno what to say..

i missed her badly.. she didnt let me see her.. and.. i just somehow feel.. shes afraid to be seen with me..

i was at home.. playing maple.. didnt realise she was online.. but i thought of her.. and i alt tab to check.. she was online le.. i was just honest with her.. telling her straight i was playing maple.. i just didnt want to lie to her.. she felt that maple more important than her again..

aiyah i also no mood liao la.. my whole day filled with fears.. jealousy.. and misery.. im so upset now.. i dun know how long i can carry on like this..

muackx..

2006-02-21T20:13:00.000-08:00

Mervyn has decided to try to change as much bad habits for the better.. including those that dont benefit me.. i have decided.. to do things that are for the good of myself or for others.. things that dun benefit anyone are deemed unncessary =D

take the Si Ying case as example.. oh i haven explained what happened..

this girl in my class.. i sat beside her that time for geography.. linked tables.. i was looking at her earrings.. that is if i didnt remember wrongly.. but other people thought i wanted to kiss her.. some thought i wanted to smell her hair.. -.-"

so yea.. got into a fight with someone over that also.. i didnt hit back.. i was about to report him neh.. but i realised not worth it.. odds were against me.. everyone was thinking i was gonna kiss her.. omg? my first kiss.. would i be so dumb to give it to her..?

then after that.. ytd la.. i realised.. WeiLong(SY's bf) was waiting at the bus stop for me.. one gd thing was that i was late for sch lol.. so i didnt see him.. but then i was thinking.. i shld go find him and let him whack me.. cause.. i did do wrong.. i told Minmin.. she was worried for me.. this made my heart ache.. i made my darling worry for me.. and definitely after i get hit.. she will definitely be upset for me also..

so i decided to change for the better.. i went to look for him.. but cannot find him.. i dun plan to let him wait for me in school either.. maybe i will tomorrow..

and just not long ago.. just barely 40 mins ago.. oO seems long.. i read my darling's blog.. so sweet.. so touching.. i try my best to pass a message to her.. Yu Min, i love u alot as well.. i promise u.. really promise u that i will try to treat u better.. =x actually i think i treat u very well le.. but try to treat u abit more better lo~ i also dunno what to say.. also at a loss for words.. i was thinking of a poem on my way home.. now i write it here.. its dedicated for u..

-erh sry.. i was writing halfway i decided to delete that poem-
i rather write a better one.. the starting is quite good so i dun want to waste this poem when my mind so blank..

but remember something..

My dear and I, hand in hand..
My love for Minmin knows no end.
She loves only me and no other man..
Yu Min and Mervyn are the greatest friends =)

true love.. both parties feel so natural that they are like friends =D Muaz YM!

-=only you rule my heart, YM=-

love darling..

2006-02-19T03:26:00.000-08:00

i luv my dear =D

watched the show agn.. that touching show.. sweet.. hope i can bring Yu Min to my house to watch it with me.. wonder if she will want.. i dun mind.. its a good film.. just thinking if thats better or movies better.. but i gotta return SH the vcd soon o.O XD

i not that sad le.. this show dun really apply to me le.. but i know Yu Min will love this show.. she got her own blog le.. i have been worried that.. her blog might get more guys to know her.. =/ but i shld have confidence in myself and faith in her.. afterall i already let myself believe in her for real this time.. im risking it.. if she breaks up with me.. it would be excruciating pain.. just one more chance for a forever for she and me XD

just now still upset and worried that Yu Min dun want me anymore.. XD but i really believe that she will luv me properly this time.. =)

was at Shi Hui's house.. pon my tuition class.. part of the reason was due to the fact that i didnt finish my first piece of tuition homework.. (she nvr used to give me hw nia..)
play maple also play until abit no mood liao.. 18th Feb is Si Hwee's and Shi Hui's bday mah..
go there.. fun la.. but taxi fares ex wor =/ been taking too much cabs this week.. but there quite fun lo.. also got play abit of no $$ mahjong.. veri fun leh ! also played abit of maple and chit chat.. didnt buy anything for Shi Hui.. its like.. so paiseh.. then the vcd i watched.. borrow from her de.. ty Shi Hui =D

now abit tired.. but still want to play more maple abit.. Yu Min going malaysia.. i gotta wake up early to sms her.. miss my darling most!

zz

2006-02-18T04:06:00.000-08:00

today supposed to enjoy myself de.. good dinner.. went to orchard.. missed Yu Min alot.. i kept thinking of holding her hand lol.. then after that.. i went to K.Ster.. first time karaoke.. >.<

i had fun la.. but then not that fun either.. because Yu Min was sleeping.. and she sleep very long.. -.-" her wake up later all fake de.. i miss her terribly.. didnt enjoy myself because i kept thinking of her.. luv her too much le.. its Sh's birthday le.. called her to wish her happy bday.. she duwan answer.. so i just smsed lo.. =/

now also dunno what to do.. gapachon on maple total not even 100k zz.. 10 tickets wor..

miss Yu Min alot.. hope tomorrow can go out with her.. but now what time le.. im sort of drunk..

sigh..

2006-02-17T18:20:00.000-08:00

SIGH..

all that talk.. end up still cant go out with her tmr..

i want to go out with her tmr >.< so important.. 18th feb.. zz.. was even about to go out buy clothes.. then she say she going out with sis or mother.. i feel so.. disappointed.. dun dare tell her also.. =/

sorry Yu Min..

2006-02-14T20:37:00.000-08:00

Sorry Yu Min.. >.<

you dont trust me because i dont trust u.. and i dont trust u cause im too afraid of losing you.. i cant carry on like this.. Mervyn must gain his confidence back.. and win u back totally.. happy valentines day.. hope next year we can celebrate on the day itself. we celebrating on thursday mah? xD

maybe i really complain alot.. as you said.. u are also hurt.. but u just keep quiet.. dun hide anything from me le.. say many times le mah =/ be more straightforward with me.. i still dunno if u really love me or not.. i need to be assured also.. i cant expect u to tell me everything yet.. because i have not been working hard enough.. the biggest reason is i scared to lose u..

..

2006-02-12T23:28:00.000-08:00

Min.. if u reading this.. this is not the one i asking u to read..read the nxt post..

i have shaved my head bald.. for the girl i truly love.. its really truly love.. she made my feelings for sihwee die out totally.. my objective is to make myself less likely to fall in love with other girls..

yumin.. forever really is a lie.. but i believed that u and me could make the miracle.. dunno why u didnt trust me.. whenever i tell u.. explain to u how love is supposed to be like.. u nvr listen de..

..

2006-02-12T13:13:00.000-08:00

i saw a caterpillar.. at the tip of a very fine line.. hanging and dangling from a tree.. when i was about to go home after breakfast.. i was very upset.. but i brighten up.. thinking that she and me.. will be alright in the afternoon..

my first thought.. was that the caterpillar was held captive by a horrid spider.. i wanted to free the caterpillar.. i used my hand.. flat.. to try to break the 'web'..

it was sticky.. but it felt.. smooth.. i saw that the web was so shiny sia... happily.. i freed the caterpillar.. i carried on walking home.. i saw another caterpillar at another tree.. 2 spiders held both caterpillars with 2 different webs..? who can guess whats going on..? dont read on.. think by urself first..

i realised.. the caterpillar was spinning silk.. going into hibernation or something.. to grow up.. and become a butterfly eventually.. i stopped that beautiful dream of the caterpillar.. i just wanted to help.. i thought it would have been better.. same goes for Yu Min.. Yu Min.. u think that u are helping me.. u think i like Si Hwee still.. I DONT.. i no longer love her.. i hope u understand she and i shared a very special relationship.. u are not helping me.. not saving my happiness.. and u destroyed my most beautiful dream..

darn blog.. i know whats going on yumin.. u read a post of how many months ago.. i know when we went out.. i kept trying to kiss u and hug u.. thats why u think.. i am using u to do what i never did with SH.. its not.. u really dun understand how much i loved u..

and now.. the maple level i kept for 2-3 weeks.. my friend helped me lvl.. i was at 99.97%.. u noe how it felt? i was furious.. that guy was a very good friend of mine..

i waited for u.. u really expected me to lvl all 100% in ur acnt for u..? how could it be.. i tried to get u to be interested in maple again.. what have u been doing that makes me so hurt.. yumin.. u will never understand.. u need me alot.. do think it through..

zzz

2006-02-12T05:09:00.000-08:00

Yu min.. why make me sad.. depressed..

O lvl results..

2006-02-10T21:51:00.000-08:00

O lvl results really upset me.. i realised.. whether i get good grades or lousy ones.. i will cry nxt yr =) because im such a good friend.. definitely got friends will cry.. sadly.. today alot of my friends cry le.. my friends.. my classmate.. this year is worst..

i never went to see SH.. as i had been waiting for.. its not because.. well.. i dunno how to say.. not because i lazy.. haha.. but because i got Yu Min.. im not being unfaithful also.. see her also no pt.. SH and i are 2 impossible souls..

Minmin.. today's entry is meant for u.. for u to understand.. and for u to know.. maybe.. before the day we went out.. MAYBE.. M.A.Y.B.E.. , if the fact of you rejecting me, can bring my feelings for SH back.. i might have wanted it that way.. cause i used to like loving SH.. but now.. i like loving you more.. i am happy.. if you dont know what i mean.. ask me =) i tried simplifying le.. i'll explain to u.. dun misunderstand le.. pls.. now i only want to love you.. maybe back then.. i didnt know how it felt to love someone.. who loves me so much also.. and yet.. we both are so natural..

i wont cheat ur feelings.. i guarantee that i wont leave u.. i wont look down on u.. and i will forgive u for every mistake..

i will spoil u.. love you.. care for u.. and always be there for u..

dear.. i may write alot of poems.. though they are like rubbish.. but its what i usually do to girls.. this is the first time i sweet talk.. even though i have all along been mushy =x

no one is at fault for our relationship like this .. is we both dunno how to love each other.. but its alright.. learn with me ok?

i love you alot.. i need you too.. M and M.. we agreed de.. we said we be the first couple to last forever mah.. though i dont really believe in forever.. but i know u and i can make it.. all along.. heaven has been fair to us.. correct things happen at the right time.. and u need me just like i need u.. i also dont know if we really really can last forever.. but.. u can prove me wrong =D MUACKX

OMG TOUCHING STORY!

2006-02-09T16:24:00.000-08:00

THIS IS THE BEST STORY I HAVE EVER HEARD.. actually watched.. i cannot believe how touching this story is.. and NO.. this is not I not stupid too.

i never watched the whole story.. im actually hungry.. but i am writing this in my blog now for a reason..

anyway the part i started watching.. the guy, Seasonal(Gu TianLe wor!), and the girl(some chiobu leh.. messy hair also very chio), Moth, i dunno why they are so named.. Chinese name sound nicer.. the english subtitles sux.. anyway.. im gonna find the title and im gonna buy the disc..

Seasonal and Moth already got married.. but somehow.. Seasonal very scared of Moth.. Moth knew martial arts and she had foul temper.. Seasonal was requesting her not to beat him.. she said if he dont do wrong things.. she wont beat him.. if she beat him.. means he did wrong.. then he asked again.. what is her defination of wrong things..

hmm i lazy type lol.. more than 5 hrs pass le..